With a seventeen month old toddler ruling my roost, I have learned many many many lessons. Below are twenty worth mentioning...
2. Waking up at the ass crack of dawn repeatedly to play IMMEDIATELY will in fact NOT kill me.
3. Toddler is code for Diva. Sometimes Shithead. But mostly Diva.
4. A toddler’s attention span is nearly nonexistent.
6. Even though I am in charge, the toddler thinks differently.
|We will leave the park when I say it is time!|
7. Just because you stop following them does not mean they are going to stop running away. And good luck if you think calling them to come back is going to work!
|bye bye mommy....|
8. In order to make it through the grocery store with a toddler, food items must be purchased and opened every three aisles. - Bribery is key when it comes to training and maintaining a toddler.
9. Toddlers suck to feed. If they don't want it you, the floor and/or the pet will wear it.... I would rather feed hungry alligators with my bare hands, than feed a toddler.
|GO GET ME A STEAK!|
11. There are no limits to what a toddler will stick in their mouth. None. Zero.
12. Just when you think the temper tantrum is over, you realize that it was just a short pause before the real freak-out. No day is complete without a melt down in public.
|Oh It's On Now!|
13. Children’s movies, especially Ice Age 1-75 and Toy Story 1-four million, don’t ever get old to a toddler, even after the five hundredth time.
14. Four hundred zillion pictures of a toddler are not enough. You have to take more, so you don't miss anything!
16. They will crap their pants anywhere, anytime, and most likely at the most inopportune time
17. They will repeat every single bad word and behavior they witness. Consider that a warning.
18. Naptime and bedtime are on their terms, you screw up the routine or piss them off, and you can forget your precious naptime or bedtime.
19. It is near impossible to keep a straight face when they are being oh so bad and oh so cheeky at the same time. (This one gets me every time-I have nearly bit my tongue off trying to maintain my angry mommy composure when he yells back or laughs at me.)