6/29/13

Dreams really do come true...

For today's Post you will have to go to The Huffington Post to read it!!

That's right... HOLY CRAP.

I am the newest contributor to the Parents section of the Huffington Post! I am so excited about this opportunity and new beginning to my writing career.  All I have ever wanted to be is a writer, so being published on a site like the Huffington Post is a dream come true.

Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me to keep writing and sharing my insane experiences through the ups and downs of parenting.

Now, without further ado... on to the post.  I hope you enjoy...

5 Tips for Creating a Parenting Partnership... CLICK HERE!



Today, the Huffington Post!
Tomorrow, wiping Ollie's butt and annoying FTD!
#WouldntWantItAnyOtherWay





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6/28/13

I'm sorry my son just kicked your bush...


The other day when Ollie and I left the house to go for a walk, he ran over to a bush in the front yard, grabbed hold of it with both hands and then...kicked it.  He kicked the damn bush! He let go of the bush, ran to the next one, then grabbed hold and kicked it too. As you can imagine I was in total shock, disbelief and hysterics.

Of course I whipped out my camera!


6/24/13

Are you sabotaging your relationship by Helicopter Parenting your Partner?

When FTD and I brought our Ollie home from the hospital we were both so excited but a little (a lot) freaked out too.  We honestly had no idea what to do with our little bundle of pooping joy. So we followed our Oliver’s cues and our own instincts, and in between stood over him 24/7 to make sure he kept breathing for about three weeks straight.

As the days turned into weeks, I realized I was constantly fighting with FTD over what I thought was the best way to change, feed and hold Ollie.  FTD could barely get within a foot of Ollie without me tensing up afraid he would not follow MY ways and rules. Eventually I realized, I was the worst kind of helicopter parent to both my son and husband.  

6/21/13

10 reasons why I am NOT going to win Mother of the Year 2013

Just in case you were worried that I was going to steal your thunder in the Mother of the Year contest, I thought I would outline why that is not gonna happen.
  1. Naptime and bedtime are my favorite time.
  2. Some mornings (Most) I lay in bed trying to summons the devil to make a deal to get my son to go back to sleep.
  3. I bribe my son with snacks to get him to stop whining. 
  4. At the end of the day if the clothes my kid was wearing are not visably dirty…Back in the closet they go.
  5. It is not uncommon for lunch to be left-over dinner from the night before.
  6. I used to wash the sippy cup with soap and water when hit the ground, now, I rinse it and hand it back. (I hear I will graduate to just wiping it on my shirt by child number two.)
  7. My son, well under two years old, watches TV for about 20 minutes to a half hour a day. 
  8. While out running errands, I have had to leave my son in a dirty diaper because I already used the emergency spare one I keep shoved in the glove box.
  9.  Sometimes I let my son run through the grocery store because I am just not in the mood to hold him down in the cart while he screams at me. It’s all about choosing my battles.
  10. I am a terrible cook, cannot follow rules, complain about cleaning the house, and still try to roshambo with FTD every time our son has a shitty diaper.

Oh and...

Honestly. I don’t want to win that dumbass award anyway.  


Thankfully I am in the running for winning one contest with Top Mommy in the title.
To throw a vote our way, please click the image below!

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6/20/13

It’s almost here and I am SO Excited!!! Bring on the Summer Solstice!

Tomorrow June 21, 2013 is the summer solstice in the Northerm Hempisphere! The solstice marks both the longest day of the year (15-20 hours of sunlight) and the first day of summer! For my European readers the summer solstice means Midsummer and the kickoff of some super awesome celebrations throughout Europe! Basically, SUMMER IS FULL-ON HERE!!  The warm weather is here to stay in the Northern Hemisphere until September, and I plan to love every bit of it!

6/19/13

Wordless Wednesday-The Tantrum Throwing Toddler

SO! ...My kid is such an overachiever he has hit the Terrible Twos head-on at only 16 months old!


In order to not go off on a crazy tangent, I am going to write this post Wordless Wednesday style- through photos. 

Lately, Oliver has gone from my happy sweet wonderful man-child, to this whiny, fussy temper tantrum throwing man-child.  At first I thought it was due to his molars breaking through. But now, three weeks later... NOT SO MUCH! He is pushing the limits and throwing a fit when I call him out, or God forbid, say NO! 

So here goes, my wordless rant...

A few weeks ago, life was sooooo goooood~

And then....
 HELL BROKE LOOSE!...

6/18/13

This is Quite Possibly the Best App for New Moms! NuuNest Review & #Giveaway!

I recently was given the opportunity to review a new mom and breastfeeding app called NuuNest.  My friends, I have used so many apps it is not even funny, but I can honestly tell you that I have never seen or used one this helpful.  If only it was around when I was pregnant and in my first few months of parenting... I am sure I would have had an easier go of everything!  Seriously.  This app is a HUGE help, and well, I am going to go so far as to say a Godsend because it is so packed with helpful information, tips, tools and even sends daily reminders EVERY new mom and even the been-there-done-that moms need! I present to you the NuuNest by Cindy & Jana...

6/17/13

Finding my Yin and Yang- 360 degrees of success and happiness.


From a young age when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say, my mother. (I know… CRAZY!  But true.) Not because she was a head of the PTA stay-at-home parent, but because she was a successful executive ball buster and I admired her for it. She worked hard, was well respected and openly talked about her struggle to break the glass ceiling. To me she had it all, brains, respect, power and a fabulous life. I was determined it have it all too.

After college I landed my first job in the sales department of a start-up IT Company. I worked hard, stood my ground and took every opportunity for advancement presented to me.  I also worked 15-hour days, stayed constantly plugged into the corporate machine, and never took a day off for sickness or vacation. Needless to say, I was also completely void of a personal life.  Still, I was happy because I was successful, and that was all I had ever wanted.

When my 30th birthday was fast approaching I began to look around and realize that all I had was my job.  Sure I was successful, for a 30-year old, but I was not happy, nor surrounded by the people and things I loved.  It was painfully obvious that even though I was living my so-called dream, I had nothing but a resume and a Rolodex to show for it. I was so focused on the money, power and corner office, that I completely lost touch with myself.

6/16/13

Happy Father's Day!! Aren't you glad you didn't get this... The WORST GIFTS EVER!

First and Foremost, 
to all of you wonderful, outstanding, over-the-top super hero dads out there... 
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!  
To all of you deadbeat douche dads out there... 
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND MAN UP!
And finally to all of you single mothers out there pulling double duty...
Well done! Way to man up and pull your shit together for two.
Happy Father's Day to you!

As most of you know FTD got some really great stuff for Father's Day... A custom Polo Shirt, Collage with nearly 200 family photos, a LoveBook counting the ways Ollie, Professor ("The Bloody Cat") and I love him, a Datevitation book of pre-made dates and a few other assorted things... Because FTD got most of the gifts early so I could review them on the Blog, I thought I would get him a gag gift so I would have something to give him *on* Father's Day.

Not sure what I had in mind I hit Google for inspiration- think"Worst Gift EVER!" search. My Friends, these are the top five Worst Father's Day Gift ideas I could find for FTD....

6/15/13

The Toddler and His Dad Are Not Right

For those of you who do not follow me on social media, I thought I would bring you up to speed on why FTD and Ollie have been banned from family shopping trips.

Every time we go as a family, I end up completely embarrassed, annoyed and/or sweaty from either chasing Ollie, or running from him and FTD.  Yes, running in a grocery store. You would too if two psychotic children were chasing after you shouting ridiculousness... wearing a wolf mask!

            Before I get started... lets recap some past trips of family shopping with FTD and Ollie


6/14/13

I'm not sorry for for my parenting style. Let the Haters Hate!


I am a first time mother.  Hell no I don’t know what I am doing.  But what I do know is that my son is developing ahead of the learning curve, he is at the top percentile of the height and weight chart and not one person can pass him without a comment on how handsome he is.  So clueless as I may be, I am getting something right.  That being said, I don’t give a shit what you think of my parenting style and foul mouth, because my son is a BOSS and it’s 2013!

6/12/13

The Stay At Home Mother’s guide to being a SAHM or SAHD


I never in my life thought I would be a stay-at-home-mother.  It’s not me. I am a worker. I like being around grown-ups and I crave success.  Yet, I cannot get myself to give up my life as a SAHM for the daily grind… yet.  That being said, clearly from yesterday’s post Parenting from the Weeds, I am not exactly the world’s best or most patient mom.  However, I have a super bad ass BOSS baby so I must be doing something right!

My parenting style definitely stems from the Do-What-You-Gotta-Do mentality and trusting my instinct.  Sure, I read those silly parenting books, but they kept contradicting each other. So I just do MY best.  Sometimes it works sometimes it does not.  That's really parenting right?

After 16-months of trial and error, and learning from my mistakes, I think I have a pretty good thing going with this SAHM business. Below are my top five tips that work to keep me a semi-sane SAHM....
Tell me that face does not say...
I may or may not have done something very naughty...

Without further ado…

6/11/13

He is a Toddler, GET OVER IT!


To all of you people out there shaking your head in the grocery store at the parent with the crying kid, annoyed that a family is sitting next to you in a restaurant with a young child, or rolling your eyes at the mother in the mall for letting her kid cry or run around... Get over yourself! To the parents embarrassed by your toddler for freaking out, do your best to get over yourself too. This too shall pass...

Toddlers are not robots, therefore no, they cannot always be “controlled”. There is no “ON/OFF” switch.  He is going to be loud, stubborn, out of control, and vocal at times. He is going to throw a huge fit when stopped from, or kept from doing something he wants; but in order to keep him safe, that meltdown is a going to have to happen, even if it is next to you in the checkout lane. So, if you do not want him to cry, or run wild through the store, than you are out of luck, because chances are it's going to have to be one or the other. 

Parenting from the weeds-86 mommy's mind


While in university I waited tables and bartended part-time. Whenever I would get overwhelmed with my tables and couldn’t quite catch my breath it was called “being in the weeds.”  Another regular term was "86" which meant we were out of something.  I bet you can't guess where I am going with this... SURPRISE!! I am writing this from the weeds... 86 mommy's mind. Since becoming a mother I feel like I visit the weeds regularly, and then inevitably loose my mind. 

HELP!

6/10/13

Parenting: It doesn't get easier over time, it just gets more interesting.

The other day, while having lunch with my sister, she told me about some of the most recent 'issues' she was dealing with between her two boys aged 6 and 7.  I always look forward to these stories because my two nephews are so freaking awesome. I mean, never-a-dull-moment awesome.

The two are constantly in the middle of a lunch room or playground scandal, or making inappropriate comments or gestures (think fart noises) at the most inappropriate times. Pretty much what I expect my wild-kid to be doing at their age.

This recent most playground scandal was so jacked up I thought I would share...

My friends, I present to you the story of, The Asshole Bitch.

6/7/13

MEAN MOMS SUCK! The Mommy Wars are everywhere...

I hear about the mommy wars and how they are about moms who work vs. moms who don't.  Well... News Flash the mommy wars are everywhere over everything! Moms are so competitive and at times just plain nasty. They ignore each other, judge each other, bully each other, talk behind each other's backs and even sabotage each other. What happened to the Sisterhood of the motherhood?


6/6/13

Does dad have kitty litter breath? Then I have just the Father's Day gift idea for you!

Thanks to Oral-B for sponsoring this post. Don't forget to head to Target for pre-Father's Day savings on Oral-B electric toothbrushes!



Does dad have breath so bad that it reminds you of the kitty litter?  Do you try to play Corn Hole with dad's mouth by trying to throw breath mints into it while he is talking?  Or, maybe does dad just have such a beautiful and warm smile that you want to help him preserve it?  Did you answer YES! to one or ALL of those questions?  Then today is your lucky day!  I have two ideas for a great Father's Day gift for dad, and they come with a HUGE bonus savings too!

6/4/13

Teething. Damn molars...Please tell me it doesn't get any worse!

Today there are so many of those Wordless Wednesday post going around that it would probably be best if I just went with posting one of those, because right now the only words that come to mind are nasty bad four-letter words. Why you ask? Ollie is teething something awful and it sucks! His molars are breaking though with a vengeance. Over the last few days neither of us has slept very well, so to say I am a crazed psycho bitch is an understatement.

But something tells me with so many of you being first time moms with toddlers around Ollie's age, you might actually benefit from me ranting about this.  If this is so, or you feel like reading a good old fashioned crazy April bitch rant then proceed. But know, you have been warned...


You see this face?
This is my best...
You have been warned, I am going to say bad words and rant incoherently at times. 

6/3/13

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