I’m A Lover And A Hugger, And Thankfully My Son Is Too.

My mom was very affectionate and regularly told my siblings and I that she loved us. Because of this, to this day my mother, brother, sister and I regularly hug and say, love you. I love that I grew up in a house of huggers.  Sadly, this is not natural for all…I recently had a conversation with a friend who grew up in a very different home. Her mom was not affectionate or verbal about her feelings.  My friend is finding herself wanting to be loving and affectionate with her daughter, but is struggling with breaking the cycle of how she was raised.  She actually said she feels weird constantly hugging her daughter and telling her she loves her.  This breaks my heart!

Momma hugs are HUGE!
Everyone needs a momma hug

I tell my son that I love him multiple times throughout the day.  I can’t help it, I just get over whelmed and blurt it out. I am a huge fan of being very affectionate with Ollie.  I hold him and kiss him and chase him and squeeze him and oh my goodness I just cannot get enough of cuddling him.  The best part is that I know he loves it as much as I do, because he comes to me to give me hugs and kisses too.  I LOVE THAT! 

I know not every family is like this.  I know some people may even think I am weird for being affectionate and vocal, but whatever, this is how I was raised and how I want to raise my son.  FTD agrees. He is the same as me...Without fail every morning FTD embraces me in the kitchen while the coffee is brewing and tells me he loves me. I actually feel the beautiful rush of emotion it gives me shoot from my heart down to my toes.



I am not saying unaffectionate families suck… I just love being held and loved so much that I would think it would suck to not have that. Everyone should feel free and comfortable expressing their love and affection for their child. And their child should feel the same towards them...


What do you think about this? Were you raised in a non-affectionate environment? Are you glad?  Do you regret it?  Have you broken the cycle? 









Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

15 comments:

Kathleen said...

Just stumbled across your blog and love it! My family was very affectionate too. We always had lots of hugs and kisses to go around too.

Shay Grant said...

Wooo, interesting topic!!

I am a ridiculous hugger, my poor boy is constantly smothered and told how loved and awesome he is. He's super tactile, and gives hugs all day, to me, his dad, his brothers, his nana and grandad, the cat, the couch, his balloon...

I believe that I should be 'home base' for him - the place where he feels safest, and loved unconditionally, and to my way of thinking, setting a foundation like this makes sense. I don't remember my parents being the same way with us, and hubby and I generally aren't that affectionate towards each other, just the kids. There was a bit of a learning curve for me at the start, although that was mainly because I felt self-conscious. Now I'm oblivious to everyone else, lol.

Having said all that, I do think there are some people who are naturally less tactile, and they may have children with similar temperaments, and so long as the children's needs (and to a degree the parents, but being the controversial nutter that I am I'm inclined to think the kiddies come first) are being met it's all good :-D

Kristy J said...

I'm with you! I love hugs and affection, it's a wonderful thing. I grew up in an affectionate household. Every night before bed it was hugs and I love yous, and every morning before school more hugs and I love yous. I fully intend on raising AJ that way.
My husband was not raised like that. There were no hugs(except on "occasions", very rare were I love yous uttered. He comes from a happy loving home but they just don't openly show it)I really threw them for a loop when I came into the picture:-)
It presented a problem for us when we first started dating, PDA was OUT OF THE QUESTION! But after 6 years, almost 7 together, I've worn him down. :-) He's affectionate with AJ...tells him I love you and hugs and cuddles him and gives him kisses. I've had conversations with my husband about how I think he missed out because he wasn't raised like that. I think in some instances he agrees with me but he thinks that because it was always ok to show affection and voice emotions is why I'm so sensitive. So we are going to try and find a happy medium so AJ doesn't turn out like a whiny baby.
I'm glad you are raising Ollie with lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous. Kids need that, I think it helps with self esteem. Once again you're a rockin awesome momma!

AussieMummy said...

Yep, non-hugging childhood right here! My parents were very unhappy throughout my childhood so there was certainly no hugs or affection between them (there was barely an conversation between them!) and all 3 of us kids had a strained relationship with our father. Our mum is a very no-nonsense kind of person.. She gave us the whole world in love & care but she wasn't big on saying "I love you" or anything. I have a 30 year old sister who says "don't touch me" if I try to hug her and a 24 year old brother that I honestly couldn't tell you if I've ever hugged him in my life lol.
I married a man who grew up in a VERY affectionate family and is very close with his cousins, aunts, uncles, etc (his mother was one of nine children so its a massive extended family) and at first it freaked me out when people would kiss me hello or hug me at family events but I've gotten used to it now.
I'm an incredibly affectionate person and I smother my son with love. So clearly my upbringing hasn't scarred me for life or anything lol. And despite the lack of physical affection, my sister and brother mean the world to me and would do anything for me too.

foodpixie said...

I was raised in a dual home, one side of the family are huggers. But I don't think it affected me, there is no cycle. People are born who they are.

When I was younger I cringed under any hug, my husband says I still do occasionally. Often I felt that frequent "I Love Yous" were not genuine, or I questioned their truth in regards to actions. Even now I find it hard to reciprocate the "I Love Yous" when family, friends, even my Mom says it to me.

I have no problem hugging and saying "I love you" to my child. It's a feeling, not a habit. I just can't help myself.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

And I wouldn't want to have it any other way... Thanks for your kind words and comment Kathleen!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

"the cat, the couch, his balloon..." Too Funny! Ollie is the same, he kisses the babies on my baby books even!

I certainly have to agree that there are don't touch me people out there... BUt I firmly believe babies need lots of hugs and kisses to feel safe and happy. I could be wrong, but I know I have one happy baby...

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thanks Kristy! Good for you on wearing him down! I am not a huge fan of over the top PDA, but a little is sweet. And my God you living in Italy, don't they round all of the bases in the street there? (sorry I could not help myself.)

OK, I do have to admit that I may wear my emotions on my sleeve, but don't boys have something in their DNA to ward that off, even if they are coddled to a crazy degree as kids?

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

It sounds to me like your child has made hugs and frequent I Love Yous common place to you now. Do you think she will one day cringe under your hug and find your I love yous to be not genuine as you have with your family?

Amanda Jillian B said...

Shhhh just trust me lmao awesome

AussieMummy said...

That's definitely true about hugs not defining the relationship :) My mum is the greatest mum in the whole world and we talk every day, she is my best friend.. Hugs or no hugs :)

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you SO much for this comment! It has made me realize that hugs or not, it has nothing to do with the love between you and your siblings, it just means no hugs. Being a hug lover, I think it's nuts, however, if I was never into hugs in the first place... then my hug lovin' ass would be the weird one. I am really happy to know that affection and I love yous don't make the bond, the actual relationship does.

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Okay so I *hate* that I cannot comment with my ID from my phone. Hence the bombardment of comments all in one go - finally at the comp!

We are a hugging family. Hubbs comes from a long line of huggers, while I'm a first-gen hugger ;) But we are constantly filling Little L's ears with "I love you's" and all sorts of encouragement, all the while giving her hugs and receiving her cutie-pie kisses. Not sure if we'd do it exactly the same with a boy, but with her it's easy to be affectionate.

Layes Landing said...

I didn't grow up with physical or verbal affection, and I really feared how it would affect my son. Thankfully the physical affection has come naturally, and you have inspired me to be more proactive with verbal affection, its important! Say what's in my heart and mean it.

Suburban Momma said...

Ohhh, how did I miss this one?? My mother was very affectionate growing up. We said I love you many times a day and I would go to her bed to snuggle if I had a bad dream up until my teen years (Sometimes even as a teen). Don't get me wrong, we also clashed big time but even if we had been arguing she'd make it a point to tell me she loved me before bed. D on the other hand grew up in a completely opposite home. He can't remember his parents ever hugging him or telling him they love him. His parents never ever showed each other affection and he says they slept with their bedroom door open and NEVER CLOSED IT. No private grown up time? OMG, I can't imagine that... to be honest with you, it did cause some negative effects for him. He has a very hard time expressing himself and it took a lot of time for him to open up to me. I'm so overly affectionate that it does sometimes overwhelm him. He doesn't feel the need to express his feelings, but he does all the time for my and the Princess' sake. And he's really grown pretty used to it. When I am not in a snuggle mood he things something is wrong, haha! It's so interesting to me how families can not be affectionate. I just love Ev so much and have to constantly tell her and hug her and snuggle and kiss. How could they hold back? I don't get it. Anyway, sorry for rambling on! Great post!

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