All I want for Mother’s Day is a Hall Pass.



Over the last couple of weeks I have been repeatedly asked if I have any big Mother’s days plans. I always answer with No, but secretly think, yeah do my best to hide form my husband and child. I know I must sound like an ass of a mom for this, but hear me out. If I should spend Mother’s Day lovingly embracing my son, thanking God every minute for the amazing blessing that he is -- Read: with my son hanging from me, whining to be picked up, changing diapers and playing with Hot Wheels-- then what the hell is the difference from every other day? I am a full-time SAHM mom; I am lovingly embracing my man-child 24/7! Again I say, HALL PASS PLEASE!

Is it me, or does that really read, Haul Ass?
Every year on Father’s Day my brother in-law spends the day playing 18-holes of golf. Until this year I called him a big fat bad dad douche canoe for that. I mean, I was certain that a father should celebrate Father's Day being a father! ...Dammit, yet again thanks to my know-it-all pre-baby ass I find myself eating a big pile of apology shit. Actually that is not entirely true, I am not going to apologize to my brother in-law, I am just not going to call him a big fat douche canoe this year when he spends the day avoiding his wife and children like the Plague.

Of course it goes without saying that I love being a mother so very much. Ollie is a badass man-child blessing that I thank God for everyday. But, I am here to tell you, Mother’s Day is not about being a mother, it’s about being treated like a queen for a day. It’s about being celebrated for being a mother. This year it’s about not having to change one diaper, or make one meal. It’s about lying in a lawn chair and reading books. It’s about having a mimosa while I do it. It’s about being selfish for one day out of the year…

You know, I don’t even feel the slightest bit guilty about being a big fat selfish douche canoe like the brother in-law. I am a fabulous mom. I have given 110% of myself to raising a healthy, happy, loved baby boy over the last year. I think I more than deserve to claim Mother’s Day as a day to do what ever the hell I want. So if you are reading this and shaking your head at me, SUCK IT! This Mother’s day I am going to relax and enjoy myself, all while my husband and son do what ever they want, as long as it does not interrupt my mimosa and lawn chair reading. AH Bliss!

So maybe this is really the bliss I will be dreaming of
once I pass out from my mimosa and reading.

What are your plans for Mother’s Day?



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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

16 comments:

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Nothing wrong with that. I think the best gift is a break!

Shay Grant said...

That sounds divine! My boys are taking me out for breakfast (McDonalds at a park so Spud can run around like a nutter) then shopping for Ugg boots. Then we've got my MIL coming over for the afternoon and then FIL joining us for dinner. Bags not cooking!

therapydoc said...

Hi! So cute. I sometimes just look around for happy blogs, because mine is about therapy and can get a little sad. Thanks for posting happy stuff, things that show the other side. I'll link over here if I haven't already.

Jessika Kazaros said...

yes, Yes, YES!!!! That sounds divine. However because I am not the only mother in our family, I have to share "my" day with our moms and my sister that's now a mom. I mean- it's good and all, but dammit, I just want to sleep, read, and lounge around without changing a diaper or having a freakin' monkey clinging to me all day or having to make one more meal, snack, or beverage for anyone else- Just-one-day!

Ah, well... it's good though :) Happy early Mother's Day!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Damn Right! I hope you are getting a break. Hopefully daddy and the boys will pamper you too! xx

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Love it! and Love Uggs! and Love you not cooking!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you! I have to post happy stuff, Motherhood needs plenty of humor to maintain sanity.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

My birthday falls on Mother's Day more times than not. I used to hate having to share MY day. Now I will really hate to have to double up the two days of the year I get my Haul Ass Pass. Yeah, I know how selfish that sounds. Don't. Care.

Quirky Chrissy said...

My mom was always suckered into going over to my gram's house for mother's day. Now, she makes sure that none of us are required to do as such, as long as there is some sort of recognition on our part. Me being the responsible (non-mother)oldest child, I'm grilling steaks and scallops for Mom, Dad, Brian and I.

Though I expect this to be a hard day for Brian... le sigh.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Yuck. I bet it will be difficult. hugs.

therapydoc said...

I tried to comment before, not sure it went through. But Happy Mothers Day. I was looking for happy blogs (my readers tend to be a little sad) and found yours. Can I link over? I'll take that as a yes unless you email me :)

Alissa said...

Ahhh Mother's Day... the holiday I love to hate.... Well now that I am a mom I get to use it as a hall pass to NOT hangout with my husband's step-mom's family... Yes... that is right. I claim it as my day now and it's the best excuse not to drive an hour + to some lame brunch with a bunch of people we have to small talk with. This year we are blissfully doing nothing!! The only request I have is to sleep in as my gift :)

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

You said it! All I really want is to sleep in. Sleep until I wake up naturally--not from Oliver banging me on the head with a mega block because FTD has let him in the bed.

Jess said...

Ahh a day of relaxation. That sounds awesome!! However, we get to run around all day because our parents are 3 blocks away from each other, and god forbid I get a weekend to stay home, even for my first Mother's Day. I can't even ask to sleep in, because we're going to brunch first, and I cannot let my child be dressed by her father hahaha

Tammy said...

You definitely sound like you really want that me time. Maybe you should put together a schedule for the day and give it to hubby.

"Sunday: 9:00am -11:59am Sleep
12:00pm - 12:30pm Eat
12:30pm - 10:00pm DO NOT DISTURB!!
Thanks a million"

Sara said...

I hear you on this one, the best gift would be a day off. With a bit of luck I shall be putting my feet up and getting pampered for the day (although it never really turns out that way). Hope you have a great day!

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