Parenting: It doesn't get easier over time, it just gets more interesting.

The other day, while having lunch with my sister, she told me about some of the most recent 'issues' she was dealing with between her two boys aged 6 and 7.  I always look forward to these stories because my two nephews are so freaking awesome. I mean, never-a-dull-moment awesome.

The two are constantly in the middle of a lunch room or playground scandal, or making inappropriate comments or gestures (think fart noises) at the most inappropriate times. Pretty much what I expect my wild-kid to be doing at their age.

This recent most playground scandal was so jacked up I thought I would share...

My friends, I present to you the story of, The Asshole Bitch.

Quick back story: My sister's oldest is in the first grade and has hung out with the same group of 5 boys since kindergarten. Between the playground/lunchroom scandals and birthday parties between the boys, the moms have all become acquainted, some even friends now.

Last week, my sister said all hell broke loose when one of the kids in the group supposedly called another kid an asshole and a bitch. The mom of the potty mouth immediately called my sister freaking out because not only did her son get in trouble for being a potty-mouth, the mom of the kid who got called the asshole bitch showed up at her house unannounced crying her eyes out because her son had been verbally bullied, and they needed to deal with it immediately.  (Holy shit you all! Is that normal for a mom to turn up at your front door? In tears?)


The mom of the potty mouth told the other mom her son insists that he did not call her kid any names, and that they were not fighting at all. Then the potty mouth's mom asked the kid who was supposedly bullied, if her son really called him names, surprisingly, he answered,"NO".

So did the kid get called and asshole-bitch or not?

But the crybaby mom said he was only saying 'No' because he was scared.

The Potty mouth's mom told my sister she was beside herself and didn't quite know what to do now, since both boys are saying it didn't really happen; yet the mom of the bullied kid is still standing there wanting some sort of resolution!

All I could say to my sister was, WTF? And how did this get so crazy?

My sister tells the potty mouth's mom she will talk to my nephew and try to get to the bottom of it.

She immediately called my nephew into the house and after quite a bit of coaxing (letting him know it was OK to tell her what was said, even if he has to use bad words), he admitted that one of the kids loves to say Bitch, but "not mean or anything, just likes to hear himself say it."

Then he said that maybe all five of them say a bad word here and there, but no one ever got into a fight or was being mean...

So, now it turns out, the one kid was NOT verbally bullied, the other kid doesn't need a hot date with a bar of soap, but, possibly another kid does, and my sister is almost positive now my nephew is going to call the whole group of kids a pile of assholes bitches after her pep talk about it being OK to let her know what the kids say.



After hearing her story, all I could think was if a mom shows up to my door crying hysterically over her son being called an asshole bitch, I don't know what I will do!

Actually, I will probably invite her in, offer her a drink, and ask her what the real problem is.  Maybe I am wrong to be so confused about this, but what was it about sticks and stones and broken bones, and how words really don't mean shit? I should think his mom freaking out over words would make her son freak out too.

We are talking about a group of boys here. Who knows if the kid who said he got called the asshole bitch didn't get caught saying a bad word in the first place, and wanted to point the blame away from him by giving up his source for learning the word? Which, is still most likely not the kid who caught the blame.

It seems like with young children, especially a young group of boys, that there is no way to know for sure what happened unless you were there.

I told my sister that all of the moms just need to invest in a case of soap (and maybe a case of wine too) to wash out the kid's mouths and explain that asshole bitch is a bad word.




If I have learned anything from my sister's weekly playground scandal stories, it's that parenting doesn't get easier over time, it just gets more interesting...




April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

16 comments:

Shay Grant said...

Ooh tricky situation! It's so hard to figure out what happened when all you get is a 'he said she said' from the parents, who got it from their kids.

I've never had this type of situation as a parent, but as a teacher it wasn't unusual to have distressed parents come in after a playground incident. It was disconcerting at first - and that was in a professional setting. I can't imagine how I'd react at home!

I think Potty Mouth Mom handled it well - she didn't out and out call either child a liar (because really, that is a lose:lose situation. Either you p*ss off the already p*ssy other parent, or you insult your own child in front of other people - not okay on sooo many levels).

Given FTD and my hubbys tendency to blurt out filthy mouthed diatribes that our little men are sure to repeat, perhaps we should take this as an opportunity to practice our compassionate faces? All together now... "oh no, I'm so sorry your son/daughter is upset. I can see how that would be distressing..." :-P

Kristy J said...

Asshole bitch :-) Made me laugh! I can't even begin to imagine the stories, scandals, and situations that are going to arise when AJ starts school. This post did make me laugh a lot!!
And I do think that if some mom showed up on my doorstep crying because someone called her son an asshole bitch I might tinkle myself with laughter and offer her some wine while I change my pants.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you so much for this comment, I never even thought what a teacher must go through with crazy...um...emotional parents. and the truth about the fine line between supporting your child and honoring the feelings of the other child and parent.


Dammit you are so right about working on practicing our compassionate faces... I need to get FTD working on that now too...

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

OK, Now you are making me laugh! "change my pants" thank God I am not the only who feels that way about a crying mother over Asshole Bitch. Yes, my friend, AJ and Ollie are going to make life VERY interesting...

Jessika Kazaros said...

Hahaha! I just walked in the door from biking Kaely to school, and another mom friend of ours was just talking about a similar situation (2nd grade) where the one kid claimed her kid said she was going to Hell and the teacher approached the mom at McDonald's on "spirit night"- turns out the other kid admitted to lying about it- but holy shit- the freakin' DRAMA! It's really ridiculous anymore- the kiddos just keep pulling crap younger and younger and most of us parents are bonkers ;)

Alissa said...

This reminds me of the scene in the "Christmas Story" where Ralphie says 'Fudge' and then blames it on his friend (even though he learned it from his dad...), and then the mom calls the other mom, and there is a bar of soap in the mouth involved...

Oh the drama!! But no... I cannot imagine calling up another parent and putting them on the spot about my kid's language. Are you kidding me??

On another note.... Congrats on getting to #5!!! #1 is within reach.

Anonymous said...

They make potty mouth soap?? GENIUS!!!!!!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Oh man that's right, you are right there at the awesome age with Kaely! We need little helmet cams for our boys when they go to school.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Seriously! even calling up another parent and putting them on the spot sucks. Kids are kids, and when it comes to cuss words it has to be expected on some level.

Thanks about the top mommy blogs. I am still in shock.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

I KNOW!! I'm getting a box for me and FTD!

Shay Grant said...

Lol all good, it comes with the territory - along with snotty noses and finger picking ewww hehe.

I've given up getting hubby to do a compassionate face. So long as he doesn't smack 'em in the head, I think we're doing okay!

Jam said...

Oh my...just wow! Lol taking overreacting to a whole new level... I can relate real well with my niece and nephew rattling on in pure innocence (mostly...) With my own little one, I can just imagine how things are going to be when she starts school - where did the days go when things were sooo much simpler?!

On a side note, I'm a wacky first time Mom too and my little one is learning just how confused Mom can be lol. I try, I try...

Jam
www.amommyiam.blogspot.com

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

You know Shay, sometimes I forget you are married to an Aussie... then you say "I've given up getting hubby to do a compassionate face. So long as he doesn't smack 'em in the head, I think we're doing okay!" And I think Yep... That's a digger...

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

"where did the days go when things were sooo much simpler?!" I have firmly dug my heels in on these easy toddler days, my sister has out the fear in me. I'm happy with my toddling wordless toddler.

Kristy J said...

No you are not the only one. You have to keep the blog going forever so I can stay current on all of Ollie's happenings.

Shay Grant said...

Hahaha! Yep, a fair dinkum Aussie bloke bahaha.

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