6/10/13

Parenting: It doesn't get easier over time, it just gets more interesting.

The other day, while having lunch with my sister, she told me about some of the most recent 'issues' she was dealing with between her two boys aged 6 and 7.  I always look forward to these stories because my two nephews are so freaking awesome. I mean, never-a-dull-moment awesome.

The two are constantly in the middle of a lunch room or playground scandal, or making inappropriate comments or gestures (think fart noises) at the most inappropriate times. Pretty much what I expect my wild-kid to be doing at their age.

This recent most playground scandal was so jacked up I thought I would share...

My friends, I present to you the story of, The Asshole Bitch.

Quick back story: My sister's oldest is in the first grade and has hung out with the same group of 5 boys since kindergarten. Between the playground/lunchroom scandals and birthday parties between the boys, the moms have all become acquainted, some even friends now.

Last week, my sister said all hell broke loose when one of the kids in the group supposedly called another kid an asshole and a bitch. The mom of the potty mouth immediately called my sister freaking out because not only did her son get in trouble for being a potty-mouth, the mom of the kid who got called the asshole bitch showed up at her house unannounced crying her eyes out because her son had been verbally bullied, and they needed to deal with it immediately.  (Holy shit you all! Is that normal for a mom to turn up at your front door? In tears?)


The mom of the potty mouth told the other mom her son insists that he did not call her kid any names, and that they were not fighting at all. Then the potty mouth's mom asked the kid who was supposedly bullied, if her son really called him names, surprisingly, he answered,"NO".

So did the kid get called and asshole-bitch or not?

But the crybaby mom said he was only saying 'No' because he was scared.

The Potty mouth's mom told my sister she was beside herself and didn't quite know what to do now, since both boys are saying it didn't really happen; yet the mom of the bullied kid is still standing there wanting some sort of resolution!

All I could say to my sister was, WTF? And how did this get so crazy?

My sister tells the potty mouth's mom she will talk to my nephew and try to get to the bottom of it.

She immediately called my nephew into the house and after quite a bit of coaxing (letting him know it was OK to tell her what was said, even if he has to use bad words), he admitted that one of the kids loves to say Bitch, but "not mean or anything, just likes to hear himself say it."

Then he said that maybe all five of them say a bad word here and there, but no one ever got into a fight or was being mean...

So, now it turns out, the one kid was NOT verbally bullied, the other kid doesn't need a hot date with a bar of soap, but, possibly another kid does, and my sister is almost positive now my nephew is going to call the whole group of kids a pile of assholes bitches after her pep talk about it being OK to let her know what the kids say.



After hearing her story, all I could think was if a mom shows up to my door crying hysterically over her son being called an asshole bitch, I don't know what I will do!

Actually, I will probably invite her in, offer her a drink, and ask her what the real problem is.  Maybe I am wrong to be so confused about this, but what was it about sticks and stones and broken bones, and how words really don't mean shit? I should think his mom freaking out over words would make her son freak out too.

We are talking about a group of boys here. Who knows if the kid who said he got called the asshole bitch didn't get caught saying a bad word in the first place, and wanted to point the blame away from him by giving up his source for learning the word? Which, is still most likely not the kid who caught the blame.

It seems like with young children, especially a young group of boys, that there is no way to know for sure what happened unless you were there.

I told my sister that all of the moms just need to invest in a case of soap (and maybe a case of wine too) to wash out the kid's mouths and explain that asshole bitch is a bad word.




If I have learned anything from my sister's weekly playground scandal stories, it's that parenting doesn't get easier over time, it just gets more interesting...




In addition to being the founder of First Time Mom and Dad, April is an award-winning published writer. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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