Mom Car. It may not be a minivan, but it might as well be!

The other day when I was putting Ollie in his car seat I looked around and my heart sank. Like a hateful eye-watering fart it hit me hard, I have MOM CAR.  You know what I mean, hell you maybe even have it too... Goldfish EVERYWHERE. Toys EVERYWHERE.  A completely saturated half eaten cracker stuck to the seat.  A McDonalds french fry shoved in the crack of the seat.  An animal cookie shoved in where the seat-belt clasp should be inserted into the buckle, and worst of all a rancid sweet smell made up of all of the above mentioned. Quintessential Mom Car.

This is only a glimpse.  The other photos were too graphic to be shown.
This whole mom car things goes back to my post about admitting I am not a better mom than the moms I looked down on pre-baby.  Of course pre-baby I would look at a parent's car and be appalled.  I was convinced there could not possibly be an excuse for such a disgusting display of lazy, because as a non-mom a dirty car was just plain lazy.  (Yes, I know with my atrocious pre-concived notions I am going to continue to apologize to been-there-done-that parents for the next eighty years.)

My sister has the worst mom car ever. When I told her I was writing this post she told me to come over and get a picture of her car for it. She has two boys, 5 and 6 and they are wild!  They are also involved in every sport, karate and hip hop dance class offered.  She is constantly shuffling one kid to one practice while trying to shove a sandwich or snack in the other's mouth on the way to his next practice or game.  She insists that her back seat issues are just collateral damage from being a badass mom with badass kids. 

Of course before baby, I thought she was full of shit and making excuses. Now, post baby, I suppose she is right. Life cannot stop for meals and snacks when you have a busy family, and if the car has to be the dining room from time to time so be it. (Of course I want to call bullshit on that and say better planning... but I am so tired of apologizing for being a know-it-all shitbag, I am going to go with her theory here.)


Thanks to my new found understanding of the necessary evil of having mom car I was not surprised when I read this caption....2014 Honda Odyssey: The minivan with the built-in vacuum!  I actually considered making that Honda Odyssey my next dream car, then I thought nah, I'll wait, Soccer moms are crazy bitches, they will no doubt threaten to choke a few top SUV makers if they do not add a vacuum too.... 


FYI: I also have Mom Floor...



 Mom Closet




Mom Bathroom 
Usually a few toys are laying in the tub.


and mom kitchen/refrigerator  
Most of the letters are lying on the kitchen floor
waiting to bring me to my knees when I accidentally step on one.

I use to pride myself on my clean house and how everything had a place.  I even had the color coordinated closet with ONLY white plastic hangers.  Yes, I admit I was borderline a (BIG ASS)  freak.  Now that I am a mother... Ain't nobody got time for that!  In fact two weeks ago I told FTD I needed a cleaning service.  You know... just twice a month to come sort out the cracks and floors I can no longer find/make time to deal with.  I think you will agree with me when I say, The last thing I want to do when I get a moment to myself away from baby is clean the damn house

I wouldn't trade my mom house or car for anything.  Yes I am sick of digging Hot Wheels out of my shoes, and using a pack of baby wipes to wipe down the back seat after a day of bribing Ollie with snacks just to run a few errands in peace, and OH HELL YES it gets annoying putting the same hundred toys back in the toy box every night, but whateves, this is my life... for now.  My clean house will be there 35 years from now when Ollie and his new wife move out of my basement to start their own Mom Car and Mom House.


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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

10 comments:

Kristy J said...

I read this and giggled, then I left to run to base and realized I too suffer from mom car :-( Maybe by the time I return to a civilized country there will be an SUV that has a built in vacuum.
Oh and I LOVE that the magnets spell shit...hahaha

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

It is crazy how that mom car just sneaks up on you! And the 'Shit' ... I am sure I do not have to say who is behind that... I am so used to it, I did not notice it until I was loading it for the post. I don't even want to say what is spelled out above.

Jessika Kazaros said...

Hahahaha! OMG- we were stuck at the car dealer the other day getting the car serviced (not my idea)- so I was walking laps around the cars trying to get Chase to pass out, and kept looking at all the mini-vans swearing I'd never go that route- but a built in vacuum??? And dude- for us it's usually raisins & craisins everywhere. Went to the bathroom the other day with Chase, and I looked down and there was a trail of them following us. Smashed into the carseat and flung around the back. The closet? Just wait. Not only does Chase drag the shoes everywhere- Kaely is constantly trying to wear my shoes, and never puts them all away. I have rearranged the house so many times (including two days ago), and yet it still looks the same... the days of sexy chic are far in the past :/

Alissa said...

I love the FTD snuck in his little bit with the magnets... well done! Sigh... my house too is mom house... mom closet... etc. Beyond there being toys and tupperware strewn from one end to the other the big thing that gets me is the "stuff" that gets all over our floors. I seriously just swept and washed all of the floors 3 days ago... and there are crumbs, mashed in goo, and caked/dried whatever streaked across the floor. It's a never ending battle!! Funny thing is... I am the only one that can see it. Andy swears the floors look pristine... right.

keisha said...

Wish I could say I remember those days, but unfortunately ladies those days still happen when you have teenagers! I thought for sure when they grew up I'd be through but no, I still have the half drunk soda bottles, chip crumbs, gum wrappers (if not the gum!)

keisha said...

oh, and luckily you have a boy or you'd get the tween version of Mom Bathroom! nail polish, make up, hair accessories everywhere!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

SHIT!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Oh hell no. Ain't nobody got space for that!

Nadine said...

I was just talking to my friend about my car! She told me she would take me to the carwash this week to get it detailed! It is a mess. I have toys, blankets, water bottles, and more all over the place! I found a pacifier under one of the mats last week. My daughters haven't used pacifiers in four months! Now that it is nice out I have no excuse. Time to clean my car.

Molley Mills said...

Yummy! I do not miss any of that! Although I was pretty good at keeping stuff clean. It helps when the KIng has serious neat freak OCD tendencies.
Thanks for hooking up to the HUmp Day Hook Up

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