Face plants, scraped knees and tumbles are a good thing? Your advice SUCKS!

Since becoming a mother I have repeatedly heard the statement, "Oh it it will be different with your second child. You will be so much more relaxed".  I believe it, I really do. But is hearing that repeatedly making me parent differently?  Nope.

It's like I have a note on my forehead that says,
"Please, I cannot possibly be a great parent without your advice!"

I will be the first to say that I am over protective and completely neurotic about providing a safe nurturing environment for my first born.  I am a first time mom, isn't that completely par for the course?


Dear 'F' Word...

My dearest F word,

I miss you.

Do you miss me?

I knew that we would probably grow apart with the birth of my son, but I had no idea how much I would miss you. I miss the good times we had together.

Remember when I could make a complete sentence using just you?

You played the parts of pronoun, noun, verb and adjective so well. You made me feel so much better when I accidentally stubbed a toe or burned myself cooking. You always comforted me when no other word could.

Oh, and do you remember how much better you would make me feel when I would get off the phone with my mom?  Nothing brought me more relief than you.  Oh my darling F-Word, I miss you so.


Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Top ten tips for making every day Earth Day.

Happy Earth Day my friends!  

I was going to go into this big post about how important our planet is, and how very important it is for us as parents to teach our children how to Reduce, Reuse and Recycle, but honestly, with all of the global warming warnings,  you would have to have your head in a hole to not know all of this already. 

So to keep it short and sweet I have found a few great tips to share with you on how to make every day Earth Day!


Socially Unacceptable Sunday: Part two

Awww yeah, it's that time again... Socially Unacceptable Sunday, when we share the best of FTM&D's socially unacceptable behavior over the past week.  This week FTD was especially poorly behaved in a Kmart, Ollie was his usual man-child self and I was running my mouth and posting my socially unacceptable memes anywhere they would stick!


This week on our Facebook Fan Page....

First of all.... The most socially unacceptable behavior of all...


Top Tips For Expecting Dads. Don't miss this checklist on what to do before baby arrives. (FTD POST)

OK soon-to-be first time Dads, listen up!  This post is for you guys who haven't had the pleasure of experiencing the most anticipated week of your life so far.  The dreaded 7 days before 'ole fat-guts' explodes and pops out your brand new son or daughter.

I reckon that most of you would agree that we tend to take a backseat to this whole pregnancy thing...we've silently dealt with 9 long months of strangers wanting to rub the wife's guts, quietly shuffled through miles of 'Babys R us' aisles buying crap, eaten the vilest of organic tofu dinners, taken time off work to sit in a doctors office while the wife does a $400 pee, slept lonely on the hardest of sofas and assembled the most ridiculously difficult cribs, toys and damn strollers. Geez!  But in the last 7 days or so, something primeval happens in the back of our minds and we realise that shit is becoming real - then we panic a bit.

"Crikeys...I'm actually gonna be a DAD!  What the Hell do I do now?"


Mom Car. It may not be a minivan, but it might as well be!

The other day when I was putting Ollie in his car seat I looked around and my heart sank. Like a hateful eye-watering fart it hit me hard, I have MOM CAR.  You know what I mean, hell you maybe even have it too... Goldfish EVERYWHERE. Toys EVERYWHERE.  A completely saturated half eaten cracker stuck to the seat.  A McDonalds french fry shoved in the crack of the seat.  An animal cookie shoved in where the seat-belt clasp should be inserted into the buckle, and worst of all a rancid sweet smell made up of all of the above mentioned. Quintessential Mom Car.

This is only a glimpse.  The other photos were too graphic to be shown.


Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims of the Boston Marathon attack.

Both April and I are deeply saddened by the events that occurred today in Boston at the annual marathon.

We express our deepest sympathies to all those affected and especially the parents of the 8-year-old child who lost his life in this cowardly attack.  As new parents, it has become exceptionally difficult to process the murder of a child.  It is just sickening.

I was going to add some links for donations or information on what WE as bloggers or readers can do to help but was disgusted to learn that fake accounts are being set up on twitter and other websites to capitalise on this horror.  Absolutely unbelievable!

So...I will simply hold my son close instead and hope that the bastards responsible are quickly caught...and punished to the absolute extreme.



Postpartum Depression at 9-months postpartum

I have three great posts I have been working on, but I just don't have the drive I need to finish them.  Why?  Because I am lacking passion right now. My postpartum depression is back, or really it was never gone, I was just managing it better then I am now.  Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the cold weather, maybe it's just hormones... whatever it is, I am suffering on the inside something awful and it sucks.  Sucks ass.

From the beginning of my pregnancy I talked about my fears of getting postpartum.  Being that I battled depression in my teenage years and a little in my 20's, I knew I had a higher probability for getting PPD. However, I was shocked that I didn't really experience any hardcore symptoms of PPD at first.  Of course I had some weepy moments, or psycho lashouts at FTD, but nothing too bad or that would last for more than an hour or so. The PPD didn't really start taking over until around the third month.

Worried that I was losing control I saw a therapist. Since I was determined to not take any medication, I wanted to start with "talk therapy."  After a full assessment the therapist felt that with enough sessions she could give me  the tools to manage the PPD and thus avoid medication.  By the 8th and final session I felt great.  Well, confident that I could manage with my new set of tools.  (for a list of the tools click here)

For the past few months I have been managing quite well.  I have certainly had low moments, but never once did I consider harming myself or Oliver.  My low points are mostly filled with fear over the future and the uncertainty of the world I have to raise my son in, I also get very anxious about my lack of a steady income, and how I will be able to provide the best for my bub.  Life in general.

The PPD mostly attacks my outlook on life.  When it's high gear I feel overloaded and full of fear, I look at the big picture and get way overwhelmed by it all, I even start to worry about how I will send Ollie to a good school. Basically I tailspin out of control, it's not good. When I have control, I take life in small bites and stay positive.

Lately the Holidays, the end of my unemployment benefits, my lack of healthcare coverage and no great job on the horizon has got me way down.  The sad part is, I feel sorry for myself, so I am not pulling out the tools I need to fight the PPD and get out of my rut.  Not good.

*** FTD here - I'm an insomniac and at 4:30am thought I'd have a look at the 'ole blog - as some of you may have noticed...this post doesn't seem finished.  I'm not sure April actually meant for it to go live! Anyways...I fixed the SHOCKING spelling mistakes and when she gets up in the morning, she can sort it out! YIPEEEEE. In the meantime, here's an awesome picture to lighten the mood.***

Hopefully, this WILL be my breakfast tomorrow -  delicious poached eggs on a bagel with bacon, mushrooms, sausage and topped off with a magnificent, homemade hollandaise sauce. Yes gentlemen...that's why I married her!

Socially Unacceptable Sunday!

Welcome to another installment of Socially Unacceptable Sunday! 

It's that time of the week again... Time to prove that FTD and I are maintaining our normal realm of socially unacceptable behavior!

Without further ado...I present to you our favorite Tweets, Posts, Videos, Pins, Instagrams and other assorted ridiculousness that we have posted to our social media accounts over the last seven days...


I admit it, I was wrong. I am not a better parent than you...

Ignorant bliss.  I love that shit.

In my youth and early 20's *sigh*, I positively loved being filled with ignorant bliss. I knew everything! I mean Everything! No one could tell me otherwise. Then, I turned 28... and ...BANG!  The realization that I knew absolutely nothing hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was almost like I had one of those TV montages flashbacks where I relived all of the stupid things I said or did in the deep throws of my ignorant bliss.  From that moment on, I kept my mouth shut... except when it came to parents and their children.  I still had them figured out.

I still knew how to raise a child better than the parents I saw out in public with their heathen brats. Fools they were. I knew for a fact I was going to do SO much better.  My kid was not going to cry in the store or run out in to the street or parking lots, nor was he going to throw temper tantrums in church and he surely was NOT going to be a spoiled little brat. FULL STOP!

Dammit... you all... I was SO WRONG.


Top YOUTUBE Videos to watch with baby in your lap! (FTD Post)

Hello N00bs and welcome to another 'first time dad' instructional course on how to raise your baby or toddler in the 21st century!

This week, I want to take you all on an adventure. A 'journey' if you will, to an exciting and wonderful place that very few people dare to delve into...and even LESS survive to tell the horrible tale! Deep deep down into the abyss of the interweb! YES that's right!!!  The WEIRD part of YOUTUBE. A truly amazing and little-known place where the awesomest nuggets of video enjoyments reside.


Socially Unacceptable Sunday

Apparently it is not enough to have an awesome Weblog, with awesome content and awesome readers anymore, you now have to have an awesome social media presence to be considered one of the best Weblogs in the Interwebs. This presence includes having active (heavily followed) accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Google+ and really who knows what else will pop up tomorrow begging for attention.  And since my high school desire to be one of the popular kids (never happened) is still all consuming, I have forced FTD to help me join all of the cool kid clubs. That's right, we are now plastering our nonsense and socially unacceptable behavior all over the freaking place!

For those of you who do not have an account to every single one of these time wasting life sucking social media networks, here is a recap of what we have been up to this week...  For those of you who do have accounts please follow us, and I suppose, if you must, you can even encourage FTD to keep up the atrocious behavior.

Without further ado... Here is a socially unacceptable recap from the FTM&D Social Media Files...


Planning for life's great events... I need your help!

Are you a planner or a procrastinator?  Did you have your wedding planned out beforeyou met your mate? Was your nursery painted and polished before the end ofyour first trimester? Or like me, are you a procrastinator that believes in lettingthings just kind of work themselves out? 

For both my wedding and my son's nursery I just kind of letthings work themselves out.  Andthankfully in both situations, things worked themselves out perfectly.  My sister and FTD planned the wedding, rightdown to my dress, and as most of you know, FTD completely designed Oliver’ssuper Star Wars themed nursery.  However,now that both are said and done, I regret not having more of a hand in them.Lucky for me, I may get a chance to redo both!

The only thing worse than the Walking Dead, is a Walking Toddler

For those of you with little crawlers, whatever you do don’t encourage them to be little walkers.  Trust me, that’s when it starts to go downhill.  What is ‘it’ that goes downhill you ask?  Your freaking sanity!  Seriously, the worst stage for FTD and I so far as parents has been this new stage of Oliver wanting to walk EVERYWHERE!  The little guy has become hell on two feet.  Hell.

As most of you know, Ollie took his first steps on Christmas Eve, and has slowly but surely become a pro.  This pro status has given him the confidence to want to walk everywhere, and when I say everywhere I mean fearlessly charging into deep crowds of people, including into a moving Parade! FTD calls him a 'Concrete Magnet', because the second we put him down at the park he charges for flat ground. He runs with such focus and disregard it's scary!  


Keep 'em Happy...go and change a Nappy. Pay the Piper...sometimeschange a diaper! (FTD POST)

Ladies, mom's, mummy's, wives, grandmas, surrogates, girlfriends, nanny's, sisters and anyone else who has HAD, wants or IS capable of having a baby...DON'T READ THIS FOLLOWING POST!!! It's about SPORT, garages, fixing cupboards...buying big-screen TV's, barbecuing and changing a washer in the sink.  NOTHING TO SEE HERE! - return to your embroidery!

Howdy proud papa's and dads from around the webanets! First Time Dad here with another death-defying blog post to keep you informed, amused and up to date with the latest awesome papa-parenting techniques!


Crawling. (FTD POST!)

(I found this FTD post on Ollie learning to crawl buried in my Draft Archive.  I am not sure why it reverted to a draft, but it did, so here is, an oldy but goody FTD post.  FTD is working on new post for tomorrow right now...)

And....He's....OFF!  GO SPEED RACER!

How the heck did this happen so quickly?  Only a couple of short months ago the little guy had just learned how to sit up by himself!  Rocking about on his ample butt for a couple of seconds before slowly tilting and flopping into the ring of pillows strategically stuffed around him - laughing like an audience-member on Seinfeld!

Now it's game on!  I sit him on his mega playmat with an amazing assortment of bobble-heads, stuffed Koala's, flashing-noisy thingymejiggers, lightsabres, and redundant PS2 controllers and return to my internets for 10 seconds and...He's gone!  Ass up, knees shuffling away, arms swinging...

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU, Dear Readers...