3/13/13

Mothers can be the worst kind of bully


Being a parenting blogger I think it is important that I am available to my readers. I always encourage them to not hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns they may have. Over the past year, the one issue I have been contacted about the most is mothers being bullied into thinking they are parenting all wrong by friends, mother-in-laws, strangers on the street, women at the park and even doctor's office nurses!  I have decided it is time to address this issue, because it has got to stop!




It absolutely blows my mind that the bullies do not understand that it is unconscionable to tell a mother she is terrible if she does or does not breastfeed, swaddle her newborn a certain way, let the baby cry-it-out, hold the baby a certain way, buy a certain mattress, use cloth or disposable diapers…the list is never-ending!  I know, because I get emails regularly from crestfallen mothers who have been beaten down by a know-it-all bitch who thinks she is helping.



Who do these big-mouthed bitches think they are that they have the right to open their mouths and shart their opinions? That’s right, I said SHART! Because let’s face it, that’s all their opinion is, hot smelly rancid air and diarrhea spewing out of their mouth. (*SHART as defined in the FTD Dictionary = "somewhere between a shit and a fart")

For starters, I have found the biggest bully is the mother’s own mother or mother-in-law. They think their best practices from 30-60 years ago are still the best. New mothers are constantly telling me how their mother-in-law has cornered them and told them how they should or shouldn’t be doing something. Or sometimes even worse, the mother-in-law will corner her son first to get an ally to help gang up on the new mother. This is the absolute worst, most unacceptable, form of bullying. New mothers are way to fragile to have their own family, especially their partners, turning on them.

For example, recently one of my friends contacted me in tears because her mother-in-law told her she was a selfish mother for only exclusively breastfeeding her 3-month-old son, because if she would, “Just give him some formula at night he would sleep better.” She actually told my friend she was being selfish for not letting her son have formula! Then to add insult to injury, her MIL got her husband in on the bullying. My friend was torn between her gut instinct and pleasing her mother-in-law and husband. That is so unfair!

Another horrible type of bully is the woman with multiple children thinking her experience gives her the right to shart her unsolicited opinions. What boggles my mind the most is that mothers of multiples know damn well not one child is the same as the next! NO, and I mean NO two children are alike. I have four nephews, and not one of them is the same - not one eats, sleeps, dresses, talks or acts the same.  Mothers of multiples should be the first to encourage a new mother to trust her instincts, and to try multiple things, because the obvious method may not be the one that works.

And finally to the absolute worst offender, the strangers on the street, in stores, or on park benches… Who died and left you in charge of know-it-all bitch town? You have absolutely NO right to judge a woman and child you do not know. How in the hell can any woman stand high on her soapbox, look down at another women, and think she has her and her child figured out? I can guarantee that bitch if she took my son for a day she would have to learn a whole new set of skills! Why? Because again, every child is different!

What the hell is wrong with these people? How can these women think they have the right to force their opinions and beliefs on these already fragile women? This is unacceptable! It is one thing if you are asked for advice or your opinion, it is another if you just shart your unsolicited opinion at an unsuspecting mother. Parenting is not easy, but we all do our best and deserve to be commended, not attacked.

There is not a mother alive who can say she enjoys being told she is parenting wrong, especially when she knows she is not. So then, why in the hell would you want to turn around and inflict the same pain and uncertainty?  It’s time to stop judging mothers, STFU and start supporting these women as they embark on the most amazing journey of their lives!

A special not to new mothers out there getting bullied:

My dear sister,

First of all, congratulations on your new sweet blessing! Second, I am sorry for all of the big mouthed twats sharting their half-cocked opinions at you.  I know how scary it is to be a new mother, you are not alone in this fear, all new mothers experience it. Your inner desire the to achieve the title of the World’s Best Mother is completely normal.  But know this, there is no such thing as the World's Best Mother, so go easy on yourself. All you can be is the best mother to your child.  

Trust your heart and instincts and let the nasty opinions of the evil bully fall on deaf ears.  You are doing your best, and those evil talking heads don’t recognize that. Plus nine times out of ten, I have found those women are not telling you things they actually did, but rather ideas they wished they had used themselves.

In time, everything gets easier including ignoring those women. I promise one day, hopefully soon, you will find yourself nodding and smiling at those women judging you all while thinking in your head, "hmmm maybe I will make spaghetti for dinner." 

Sincerely,

April


Come on moms!!! Its time to stick together, support each other and encourage each other. We need to feel confident in our own abilities, and trust our natural instincts. It’s time to stop the bullying, judging and the unnecessary unsolicited opinion sharting. Remember, if you do not have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!


(To those devil advocates out there, this post has nothing to do with judging bad abusive strung out mothers.  So don’t bother leaving a nasty comment about stepping in to save a child from a crack whore.  This is about a good mother, not doing things exactly how you want her to and deciding to tell her that. So again, I find myself feeling the need to tell you to STFU and keep your unnecessary shart to yourself!)




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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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