1/3/13

Is my baby in there waiting to come out?


Last night while I was laying in bed, rapt with cramping and discomfort from my newly returned monthly visitor, I had this moment where I actually thought I was feeling the egg break apart inside of me.  I couldn't help but think about that egg and what possibilities it held before I began to shed it.  It was then that I realized that little egg could have been my number 2, Ollie's sibling.

Never in my life have I cared about my period. I hate periods and all the annoying hassle and mess that goes along with them.  Is there a woman who doesn't?  Regardless, I am a woman, I ovulate, that's just how nature rolls. In fact, I read somewhere that females are born with all of their eggs. We do not produce them during our lifetime, only 'drop' them.

Laying there, feeling this egg break apart, made me a little sad.  I couldn't help but think about the amazing cycle of life, and how the human body and nature work. Since I know I want to have a number 2, should I be playing games with nature by not taking advantage of each opportunity I am given?


Ugh. Life was so much easier when I lived in ignorant bliss. Why am I so obsessed with each egg now?  Don't I have faith in God and nature? Shouldn't I trust that just like with Ollie, I will be blessed with a baby when the time is right?   Dammit, I hate the crazy hormones that come alone with ovulating, I think I am loosing it, or maybe just over thinking it.

But then... this morning in the car I told FTD about my fears of letting the opportunity of giving Ollie a sibling pass, by letting each egg shed without taking advantage of it. I am 34 after all...  He really didn't give me much of an answer other than that he was happy to hear me talking about it, and even thinking about a number 2.

Then he looked down at Ollie... yes looked down at Ollie, FTD sits in the back seat with Ollie more times than not. He insists it is because, "He might get lonely back there all alone, he is just a little baby you know!"  Everyone laughs at him for it, but he doesn't care, he climbs in the back seat happy to keep him company, or really just play with him.

I digress... FTD's talk with Ollie.

He looked down at Ollie and said...

"Your sister Vienna is still in your mummy's tummy. You chose to come out first, but next your sister will be coming."

It is crazy to think about it like that...  Have my chosen children always been in my 'tummy', just waiting for the right time to come out?

If I let myself think to far into that, I will go mad. All I can really do is sit back, relax and faith faith in the plan. 


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