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Jan 29, 2013

Baby, Please stop throwing your food on the floor. Mommy is about to...

LOSE HER SHIT!

I don't know where to start I am so upset!  My beautiful, wonderful, sweet, kind... oh hell I am just going to come right out and say it, Oliver is behaving like an asshole baby. He is obsessed with throwing things. And pretty much 99% of what he throws, he shouldn't!  He throws things down with force, over his head with Gusto! and behind his back with indifference.  The baby is on his way to the major leagues, but only after he and daddy drop mommy at the crazy house.



He loves to take everything off the shelf on his change table and then as if he knows I am about to freak out, he tries to put everything back... as in stack everything up until it falls back off, or he throws it off again. Another of his favorites is unloading his diaper basket, flinging diapers over his head as fast as possible. His favorite morning ritual is throwing everything out of his toy box with indifference, just to throw. Oh, and how could I not mention is daily plunge into my closet to toss all of my shoes off their rack as fast as he can, like this is where he is planning to start his hole to China. Why do I stand idly by and let him do it you ask? Because, I read that it was good stimulation to let him throw and empty and stack, and drive me crazy constantly rearranging shit.

However.


What I can no longer handle, is him throwing every bite of food on his tray, down at the floor.  Every. Bite. It could be his favorite food (strawberries or pasta), and he will still throw it off mid way through the meal.  No obvious reason, he just throws his food down to the ground and laughs himself stupid.  What. Is. That?  WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT? Is this behavior normal?

Seriously, he looks at me, IN MY EYES, smiles and throws it!  I shake my head no, tell him that would very naughty, yet he still does it!  His favorite move when he is finished eating is the full arm and hand swipe, like a windshield wiper motion over the tray to launch all of his food at once.  Come on!   When is it going to end? I mean, my baby is clearly messing with me you all. He is not even ONE!

Yes, I do put only one bite down at a time... but sometimes that gets old.  Sometimes I need to leave the food on his tray like he is a normal baby.  I know, why would I give him the benefit of the doubt with Me and FTD as his parents. How in the hell can karma already be biting us in the ass BEFORE our son can talk?!

I have this dream of making a Dexter Style, 'Kill Room,' to feed him in.  Then  when he has finished eating and launching his food, I can just roll up the plastic kill room, and dump it off a boat like Dexter. Never even have to clean the spaghetti or eggs up. I know, keep telling myself this blatant slap in the face asshole behavior will not last forever. But, how much longer I ask? Because, if it doesn't end soon, I am going to loose it for sure!

I would post a picture of the mess he makes, but I can't, it will make me too upset to look at it.  So I will post a very cute picture of Ollie instead, because that is why he gets away with it every time.  He is too damn cute for me to really get up set with! In fact, sometimes I laugh along with him, because he is just so damn cute and cheeky!  I know... I am doomed for sure...






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11 comments:

Kathy Chen said...

What a cutie pie!! I sure don't blame him for getting away with murder! I'm sure it's painful right now, but one day you're gonna look back and laugh at all the memories when Ollie would be all grown up. Hang in there!

Shay Grant said...

Lol, perfect timing! I just went into my darling boy's room to put him to bed only to find the entire contents of his bottom dresser drawer scattered all over his room, along with half of his toys. Driving me batty!
The food thing is a battle here too, maybe it's just a phase? Hopefully it's just a phase? Please, let it be just a phase.
Isaiah has also discovered the concept of aiming, so his food (and wooden blocks) tend to end up somewhere in the vicinity of your face, ouch!

I think it's sending me batty too - I say think, because every time he does it I laugh, even though every molecule of mama-ness in me screams DOOOOONNNN'T! LAUGHING MAKES IT WORSE! Guess I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of picking up after a throwing boy :-S

Jessika said...

LMFAO! I am so sorry- even more so that I TOTALLY relate to the Dexter comment (did I ever tell you we have a blood orange tree in our backyard that Dave named Dexter?) Anyway- Chase does that shit throughout the grocery store- leaving me feeling guilty and picking up Cheerios or whatever along the way because I feel horrible about all the smashed pieces other people have to walk through. He was flinging Cheerios everything this morning- why? Because he saw waaaaay over on the other counter the leftover birthday cake- to which he stares at- points- looks at me- makes the sign for "more"- and looks back... UGH. Chase has the a-hole baby perfected, I'm sorry you have your own in the making :) LOL

Alissa said...

Yes, yes.... James does the same thing. Thankfully not with his food so much but definitely his toys and his bottle. I HATE when he throws his bottle.... milk everywhere. His other new thing that is going to drive me into the insane assylum is he has started throwing himself backwards when he's sitting. Not funny when there's a hardwood floor behind him or better yet when he's sitting on the changing table. Yeah let's just say I did a superhuman mom move the other day to catch my darling boy from flinging himself off the changing table. MAKE IT STOP!! Or I will be in the loony bin before too long.

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

OH, I think, from what I have read, it's tjust the joys/stages/ of childhood and parenting! Yes, thank Goodness he is so cute... and funny!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I LOVE IT!!! "maybe it's just a phase? Hopefully it's just a phase? Please, let it be just a phase. " I almost wrote those exact words. I do love these 'phases' NOT!! Ollie is unloading a bookshelf as I type... Oh and I laugh and laugh... Makes is SO much worse!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I LOVE Dexter!! FTD gave ollie an oatmeal raisen cookie yesterday... Thats all he wants. He see the package and cries for it. Thanks FTD! I am scared for the cake smash on Saturday!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

LOL 'MAKE IT STOP!' I yelled that last night! It's like he is possesed by a crazy baby! I find myself begging, pleading and bargaining with him daily! What is that? Who is in charge? Clearly it's a power struggle.... Oh, Alissa, we are in for it!!

Queen of the Crazy Castle.. Kara of Course!!! said...

OH HOW I LOVE YOU!!! JUST WHEN I HAVE BEEN seriously DEBATING ANOTHER (LAST) BABY, I COME TO THE BEST POST, AND REMEMBER... I MADE IT THROUGH 2 ALREADY... whattttt???? AHAHAHA YES, THROWIN IS FUN!!! I LIKE TO THROW THINGS!!! IF I COULD THROW STUFF RIGHT NOW, I'D SURELY FEEL BETTER... BUT WHAT IS EVEN MORE FUN??? THROWIN THEIRSELVES DOWN IN THE FLOOR OR beating THEIR HEAD WHEN THEY ARE MAD.... WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR WITTS END WITH THAT ADORABLE LIL GUY, SEND HIM MY WAY, I WILL TRADE YOU FOR YOUR CHOICE OF MY 2 :)

Katie said...

You need to get a dog!!! :) When I was on holidays without our dog, I really noticed how much food Will was throwing over the edge (or stuffing down the sides-which seems to be his go to place for food).

Shay Grant said...

Lol, glad I'm not the only laugher - at dinner last night, I put a spoon full of fruit puree in his mouth and he went 'puh' (you know, like a little puff of wind from the mouth) and it flew everywhere. In my super sensible mama mode, I laughed hysterically, so then every spoonful got a 'puh'. By the end of the meal it was a 'PUH!!!' and there was sh*t everywhere. Hubby was frowning, stepson was covered in puree, and I, unfortunately, was still laughing. Such a bad role model, I can see his first day at school now; Teacher: 'The spitty potty-mouth mother's a teacher? Really??? I can't see it...'