12/14/12

New Years Resolution #1. Finding the new me...

With the end of 2012 coming to a close, I can't help but look back smile, and be thankful for a very blessed year. A year I got to devote to my first born, my son.  During 2012 I carried him, birthed him and nurtured him whole heartedly 24/7 365.  I have been so blessed to have this time with him.  However, I look back and don't see Me. I honestly am not sure who I see anymore.





I have spent this entire year devoting my life to my baby. I am not sorry for that. Not even a tiny bit. I will never get this time back, so devoting 100% of myself to my beautiful baby is by no means a waste of my life or time.  But, now... now it's time for me to find a better balance in my life. It's time to find me.



I shouldn't admit this, but I am a regular repeat offender with outfits. If the sweatpants fit... Why not rock em' out?  I will throw on clothes off the floor without a second thought.  Ollie doesn't care what I wear.  Well, now I do.  I don't want to be a frumpy mummy any more. It's not about anyone else, I have got to start dressing up for me. Even if it is easier to be a repeat offender, I have to stop it. When I dress up, I feel so much better about myself. My overall outlook on the day, and even life, improve when I take the time to put myself together.  So why don't I do it more often?

What scares me most, even more than the number of times I have left the house in sweatpants, is that I am not sure who I am anymore. I got pregnant right after my 33rd birthday, and now I am nearly 35!  Shit!  I have been altering my life to accommodate my son for so long that I have no idea what makes me tick anymore. I am too old for MTV, and too young for Lifetime... Where do I fit in? What makes me happy, besides my son? What fulfills me? Where do I want to go in 2013?

I know I cannot be alone here. Pregnancy and motherhood are major life changing events!  How do I reel it all in to create a nice balance between me and my baby? I admit, I have delegation issues. Even simple things like going out on my own for an hour or so without worrying about my baby is next to impossible. I trust FTD, but I still cannot help but worry. Oliver is almost 11 months old and I have not been away from him for more than 3 hours!  Possibly even 2 hours.  FTD and I have not had a date since the night before I delivered. I know that is not healthy at all.  I have got to detach.  I have got to make a point of it.

I do not do well with New Years Resolutions, but this year I have to make a change for myself, for my sanity, for my family.  I have to invest time in me.  I am not even going to lie to you and myself and say, I will fix me and find me over night.  I am serious about this, I am sick of being frumpy and feeling sorry for myself!  It's time to get bad ass and back to me! Who ever that is...







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