11/27/12

Thanks to the winter season, I'm no longer fit to be a "mommy" blogger.

WARNING: I cuss and rant like a rapper in this post.


So. I hate the winter.  I mean I full on hate the winter with a passion. The moment the mercury drops below 65 degrees, I turn into a raging miserable bitch.  And really, that is just the beginning.  When the last leaf hits the ground and the temperature drops below freezing, I'm near certifiable. It gets worse... By the first of February when the dead of winter is in full swing, I am a psychotic nut bag bitch that could easily get an insanity plea...

I have so much to bitch about right now... This post is going to be nuts, straight jacket worthy.  You might just want to stop reading.  Especially you grammar and punctuation police.  I will make you ill for sure.  And those of you who don't like foul language.  You probably will want to stop reading too.  I'm a real sour pus right now....




I hate the winter with such a passion. I am no longer fit for society. I should stop blogging right now before I get any worse....

The End.




Ok no.  It's not the end, I've got some more shit to say!

What am I supposed to do with a child all winter long? Sit inside? Go to the mall and walk around? There are only so many laps I can do in the mall before people start pointing at me and calling me one of those "mall walker" people. Not to be confused with Walking Dead walkers... But close... same mindless foot dragging and drooling.

How am I supposed to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight when I am stuck inside with a baby, TV and a refrigerator?  That's it, nothing but the worst combo ever. Baby, Food, TV... Muumuu here I come....  And what's up with the dry nasty air in my house for the next 4 months?  How is Ollie expected to breath with a crusty nose?  I wake up with cotton mouth from hell as it is, what's that poor baby dealing with?  Man oh man, I hate the winter!

This morning it took 5 extra minutes to leave the house... Have you ever tried to hold a baby down while layering on an obnoxious amount of clothing?  Not cool. Not cool at all!  I miss flip flops and bare feet already.

I love watching mommy sweat.
And why is leather in a car considered luxury?  It's cold in the winter, and hot in the summer.  Every time I sit down in my car during the winter I feel like an icicle was just shoved up my ass. And while I am on the topic of cold cars... Scraping the windshield is shit.  full stop.  shit.


Ok, yeah.  My car seat was really cold too.



 Oh and Winter = Flu season!  Ollie has his first runny nose!  Is this shit going to be the winter norm? Will I meet my deductible in two months time?

yeah.  my nose is runny. sucks.
I wish I could skip the winter.  Just poof and it's gone.


For serious. I hate hats.
It's not even December and the snow is falling.  Mother Nature... Is this winter stuff really necessary? You are killing everything, or forcing it to go from green to miserable brown and grey.  Really?  Shit.  I hate the cold so much.  I don't know why I live in a state that has snow.  It's not healthy.  I am from Miami.  I was never meant to put up with this shit!


I'm going to stop now... but this ranting and carrying on is not over... not by a long shit. (yes, I meant shit, not shot. shit.)  



In other news... Brighter News....

Some wonderful person has nominated me for the honor of Circle of Moms Top 25 Family Blogs.  Ok, I know it's a bit funny to talk about being in the Top 25 "Family Blogs" when I just dropped a shit load of "F" bombs all over this post.  But, it's true.




Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. In addition to being the founder of First Time Mom and Dad, April is an award-winning published writer. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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