Thanks to the winter season, I'm no longer fit to be a "mommy" blogger.

WARNING: I cuss and rant like a rapper in this post.


So. I hate the winter.  I mean I full on hate the winter with a passion. The moment the mercury drops below 65 degrees, I turn into a raging miserable bitch.  And really, that is just the beginning.  When the last leaf hits the ground and the temperature drops below freezing, I'm near certifiable. It gets worse... By the first of February when the dead of winter is in full swing, I am a psychotic nut bag bitch that could easily get an insanity plea...

I have so much to bitch about right now... This post is going to be nuts, straight jacket worthy.  You might just want to stop reading.  Especially you grammar and punctuation police.  I will make you ill for sure.  And those of you who don't like foul language.  You probably will want to stop reading too.  I'm a real sour pus right now....




I hate the winter with such a passion. I am no longer fit for society. I should stop blogging right now before I get any worse....

The End.




Ok no.  It's not the end, I've got some more shit to say!

What am I supposed to do with a child all winter long? Sit inside? Go to the mall and walk around? There are only so many laps I can do in the mall before people start pointing at me and calling me one of those "mall walker" people. Not to be confused with Walking Dead walkers... But close... same mindless foot dragging and drooling.

How am I supposed to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight when I am stuck inside with a baby, TV and a refrigerator?  That's it, nothing but the worst combo ever. Baby, Food, TV... Muumuu here I come....  And what's up with the dry nasty air in my house for the next 4 months?  How is Ollie expected to breath with a crusty nose?  I wake up with cotton mouth from hell as it is, what's that poor baby dealing with?  Man oh man, I hate the winter!

This morning it took 5 extra minutes to leave the house... Have you ever tried to hold a baby down while layering on an obnoxious amount of clothing?  Not cool. Not cool at all!  I miss flip flops and bare feet already.

I love watching mommy sweat.
And why is leather in a car considered luxury?  It's cold in the winter, and hot in the summer.  Every time I sit down in my car during the winter I feel like an icicle was just shoved up my ass. And while I am on the topic of cold cars... Scraping the windshield is shit.  full stop.  shit.


Ok, yeah.  My car seat was really cold too.



 Oh and Winter = Flu season!  Ollie has his first runny nose!  Is this shit going to be the winter norm? Will I meet my deductible in two months time?

yeah.  my nose is runny. sucks.
I wish I could skip the winter.  Just poof and it's gone.


For serious. I hate hats.
It's not even December and the snow is falling.  Mother Nature... Is this winter stuff really necessary? You are killing everything, or forcing it to go from green to miserable brown and grey.  Really?  Shit.  I hate the cold so much.  I don't know why I live in a state that has snow.  It's not healthy.  I am from Miami.  I was never meant to put up with this shit!


I'm going to stop now... but this ranting and carrying on is not over... not by a long shit. (yes, I meant shit, not shot. shit.)  



In other news... Brighter News....

Some wonderful person has nominated me for the honor of Circle of Moms Top 25 Family Blogs.  Ok, I know it's a bit funny to talk about being in the Top 25 "Family Blogs" when I just dropped a shit load of "F" bombs all over this post.  But, it's true.




Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

18 comments:

Karen B said...

Voted for you, but only cause I hate winter too. I have to admit I liked it a lot more when I could drive to a ski mountain but now that I'm stuck in the Midwest I'm not as impressed. Of course summer with no beach is torture too...

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Thanks Karen. I'm in the mid east... flat and boring. I hate winter.

Courtney Lee said...

Voted! Ps. sounds like you need to move to the south lol hahaha poor thing...you wrote you hated winter but I can see why you hate it so much....didn't think about the baby and cabin fever ...poor thing!

Yeah...right now in my life i've always been from the south so the weather changes are nice...i'm loving it right now but...i don't have kids so....lucky me i guess...

Hope you have a good calm mild winter then hun xoxo feel better ...have some wine! xoxo

Jessika said...

LMAO! I love you- you know this right? I cannot imagine- I was a cranky bitch when our highs dropped to the low 70's (bcz the nights are in the 40's)- I can't function in the cold :/ But... on the bright side, Ollie is effing adorable all bundled up :) LOL. I'll have to think of stuff to do for you- afterall, it's almost as bad as bedrest- freakin' cold weather... :)

Quirky Chrissy said...

LOL! I think this was my favorite post of all time. But I love a good F-bomb.

I agree with you and the whole winter thing. I hate it. (This doesn't mean I won't do stupid stuff like sit my bathing suit-clad butt on a pile of snow...but you know...whatever). Winter beats me up. I fall on ice a lot.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

I have been writers blocked like nobody's business, but now I know what I'm going to write about today!!!

Anonymous said...

hahaaa this made me laugh,i was expecting alot more "foul language".im by nature a horrible potty mouth as they call it.anywho there are easy fixes to your being stuck in the house,if any one you know is also a stay at home parent or just staying at home,make visits,bundle up the kid in the stroller and take him for a walk,seriously,it wont hurt him,this is coming from a veteran aunt of about 13 nephews,along with a few kids of my own,unless you absolutely hate walking out in it(dont blame you). have some friends over,have some wine or whatever makes you happy and just hang out..there is tons of crap you can do to keep yourself entertained. you just need to find it.
exercise dvds are your friend,ive stuck with insanity and am always happy with the end results.

First time dad said...

Honey...

You forgot that we have a PlayStation 3 to keep us amused ALLLLLLLL winter long!

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

Layes Landing said...

OMG, PS3 sounds like our house! Soooo great! I'm with you, wondering what I'm going to do inside all winter long.......with a TV and fridge......and still sleep deprived!! Baby won't sleep dammit.

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

OH, and the ICE! Mother fucker! Glad I could help... xx

The ice throne is such a winter piss take... I should join in. Can't beat em'....

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I have about 10 fucks in the post, but took them out. and exercise videos are awesome... for moms with babies who sleep! I do worry about him freezing on walks. maybe I'll give that a try. thanks!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Honey....

I'm afraid Ollie just peed on your PS3.... Muahaaaaaa

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Ollie had a party in his crib at 4am... ONly I was invited and the party roared on until 5:30. one day right?

Roshni AaMom said...

I hate winter and I live in California! :(

Suburban Momma said...

Awww, I HATE winter too. :( I'm just not a cold weather person! BTW, Oliver looks adorable in the hat! So that's a plus, right? :) Love ya lady! I'll read your rant anyday!

TJ said...

You crack me up! I totally feel the same way! Chicago winters totally blow and I don't mean just the wind and snow!! BTW- where did you get that St. Bernard hat your son is wearing???

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Heya TJ! LOL! If any city 'blows' it's The Windy City. I ot the hat at Gymboree.

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Girl you are the real deal! My fav for sure. And you are right, ollie's cute face makes the winter bright and shiny... xx

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

We are from the same Tribe! My happy temp is 84 and sunny. But 96 will work just fine too.

The Archives

Follow by Email

Looking For Something?