Oh No! We've been invited to our first kid birthday party.

The day has come... Our family has been invited to our first child's birthday party. Shit!  That's all I have to say about that. I knew that since we had a kid, the day would come that we would have to start the birthday party circuit... But so soon?

This family knows us, why the hell did they invite us? FTD and I cannot be trusted to behave at a child's birthday party! Yes, I am a mommy blogger and a loving mother, but other peoples kids... yeah, not so much. Please don't hate me and stop reading my blog. Look, if your kid is not a total brat or a booger blaster I'm willing to try...

Ok, so birthday party for a boy turning two.  What the hell do we bring? How do we dress?  Should we pack a hip flask, or do parents provide booze. How long do we have to stay?  Will we get fed?  We deserve to be fed!  Shit. Why did they invite us?!

When, I told FTD about the invite, he said the same thing, "They invited us? Well, they knew what they were doing when they sent the invite." I told him we just had to try to be on out best behavior.  Of course he insisted that he would not be on his best behavior, instead he was going to try to be on his worst behavior, so we could get black balled right out of ever gettin anymore invites, thus ending our children's birthday circuit before it even starts.

I am just afraid that they must think because we have a kid we are grown up now.  Dumb asses!  We are not grown up.  FTD is Australian.  He Will NEVER EVER grow up. He will also never stop saying bad words. I have explained to my friends its just a cultural difference.  Of course they ask what my excuse is... to which I answer "can't beat  em' join em'."

Shit!  I really have no desire to go to this party!  Loads of kids running around and screaming. We have enough kid chasing and listening to screaming at home. What if there is really no booze? FTD will loose his pint loving mind.

Ok, in all fairness this family is awesome, they are our friends. We drink and eat together brilliantly.  Their son is super sweet. The husband make tasty beer!  The wife can cook and bake her ass off.  We do love them, that is the only reason we are going... I think we are going... I am honestly not 100% yet...

WHAT?  FTD and I cannot be trusted!  We are filter less, and so incapable of conforming to any type of behavior or circle, we may just act out out of fear we are conforming just by turning up to this thing... er... birthday party. Ok, forget it! We can't go.  We have no business it this type of social circle.

Oh Lord!  Please God, let FTD and I become semi normal parents so Oliver does not grow up either completely embarrassed by us, or worse, become us!



Like our blog? Please click on the lady's fat head to throw a vote our way!

Top Mommy Blogs - Click To Vote!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

20 comments:

Merrily Mary said...

You know, if your hubs teaches the kids to swear at this party, you probably won't be invited to another :) and an AWESOME toy for boys that age are NeoTracks. It's a racecae track that snaps together and bends anyway they want it to. Lays big on floor but packs away small. I have it and gift it allllll the time. Plus, its only like $20! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0029WLJ8O/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1351062629&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

Shay Grant said...

Ok, here’s what you do – spend the whole time fussing over Ollie and mentioning how grizzly and out of character he is acting, and then an hour into it go ‘oh my goodnesss, he’s got a fever! I’m soooo sorry, I really think we should get him home. Thank you so much for having it, the cake looks delicious/tastes delicious/smells delicious and bubba looks so gorgeous in their birthday outfit. I will make it up to you with a coffee/wine/vodka, I promise!’ and rush off before anyone can ask questions. 
Trust me, I’ve done this before already haha. We’ve got our first baby party in December, and I’m actually really excited about it – it’s Isaiah’s best friend’s 1st birthday. Woohoo!

Kiddie parties aren't all bad though - think of the food! Nom nom nom!!

gail said...

Lol. I thought the same thing! I would assume its a safety net for the other parents. Safety in numbers. When kids outnumber the adults you're screwed. If planned right, yes food, for parents, and a safe distance for observation of chaos. With it being for a two year old anything can go so you guys should be fine. Ask if you should bring anything "extra" normally the parents are just relieved that another adult is going to be present so they don't completely loose their minds.

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Oooh! You are the goods! Thanks for giving ME the gift idea... And crap for giving FTD the swearing idea. Secretly that's awesome! We really would get black balled. Hopefully after they feed us!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I was thinking if pulling the whole sucky thing BEFORE the party. We might only know the the hosts. I'm still worries about Etiquette on this one...

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Between Me, FTD and Ollie we hardly make an adult. And I certainly know about needing an adult around and being screwed having kids out number adults... That's my life!!

Hilary @ Peanut Butter Spoonfuls said...

If it helps, the first kid party we went to had a full bar and let's just say many parents were over-served. Two year olds are way too young to notice adult behavior, right? You should dread the day you're invited to a 5 year old's party!

Moonshine0100 said...

Hahaha!! When I planned Amelia's first birthday party, it was specifically for adults. :-) Yes, it was my daughter's first birthday, but it was also OUR FIRST YEAR of being AWESOME PARENTS!!! Food was served and alcohol was flowing while the little one opened presents and then dug into her very own cake. :-) It was a blast and we loved being able to thank everyone who was there for us in our first year of parenthood. I guess we'll have to invite kiddos next year... is it bad that I'm not looking forward to that?! With kids, it's inevitable that someone will have a meltdown. Oh well, I guess we'll be serving drinks at that party too. ;-)

I have a feeling you'll actually have fun... probably because Ollie will be having so much fun!! Also, anything that makes noise (but has an off button) is fun. Or perhaps a simple remote control car?

Layes Landing said...

My thoughts EXACTLY!!!! Unfortunately I do not know anyone in my immediate social circle who feels like this!! This is why I LOVE your blog!!! I have found my people.

Fancy Pants said...

We got invited to a bday party when summer was 2 months old. Im still confused about that. I politely declined and invited them for dinner a couple weeks later to make up for the ackwardness.

Things That Happen Everyday said...

Let me start off by say...hahaha. Welcome to parenthood. My husband and I got invited to a kids first birthday party while I was pregnant...we were both like WTF we don't even have a kid but that's the price of having a child (you still think Oliver was a blessing...haha). From this point on till they reach the age of about 10 you will be invited to every birthday party EVER!!! They usually suck. If they are good people they will provide food and more importantly booze. The only good thing is that the kids love it. Oliver will have a blast with other kids. Sorry but those are the facts of parenting! Not such a glamorous job after all is it???

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Our first party for Ollie will be friends and family, and food and booze. And you are right, I have been to my 5 year olds nephews party at Chuck E cheeses... I NEVER want to go back to that germ dome!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

It's not so much about will we have fun. It's will FTD behave. Will I have to act like I'm such a great motherly persoon... yuck!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I'm so glad I have you too.... Going on a year now... agreeing that everyone else is screwed up. It's not us!!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

I love this idea. Sorry, can't make it... how about dinner. Nice!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Parenting is so UN-glamourus. In fact I just got spit up on. So for the next 10 years I get to spend my weekends huddled around the food table at a party I don't want to go too. GREAT!!

Marianne said...

You have not known true suffering until you have attend 28 (and counting) Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties.

On a positive note, many of them do serve wine & beer.

2 year old? He's going to be really into Thomas the Train, Caillou, and Doc McStuffins pretty soon. Or you can do what I do. Wrap up a bottle of vodka & give it to the parents.

Shana Scott said...

All I can do is giggle when I read this! We have a couples friend whose son is 11 days younger than ours. So their first birthdays were a week apart. Lil Misters was an adult party. Couples friend was the only little invited to the party. (I stick with the invite the age rule) And then we invited friends. Did all the birthday stuff then had a big braai and swam and jolled until late! Kids were passed out before 7 from all the sugar high! I’ve dreaded kids birthdays since I was a kid! (We also battle the filter concept!) BTW you can ask your hubby about braai…how did I just register that your man is Australian? I knew this but really never registered…mine is South African! Haha (Only they and us would get the concept of that!) Oh yea Tri-nations!

April @First Time Mom and Dad said...

Twenty-freaking-eight???? Efff me!! That's.... That's.... Redonkulous. You should write a book, How to survive kids birthdays with your sanity and a sense of humor. Geeeeez!

Cyndi said...

FYI Kelly &I I do not throw nooze free parties. There was a TON of food &water other than Thomas, Bella & Gracie (who is 11), there was inly 1 kid. Parties are just a reason for me to get to bake amazing cakes &I to actually visit with the friends we never get to see because we're parents. :o( You missed amazing (spiked) spiced cider and crazy pound cakes.

The Archives

Follow by Email

Looking For Something?