Finding a balance between ME and Mommy.



I originally was going to title this post, “Stay at home moms WTF?!” But thought, nah… then I was just going to only write in today’s post, “SAHM WTF?!”   THE END! And see what I got.  But, again, nah… you probably needed to know what my motivation is for asking stay at home moms WTF?  So here goes… Yes, it’s going to be a rant…


Since loosing my job in May, I have become a stay at home mom. My entire life is being a mom. I’m barely me anymore. I don’t mean that in a boo hoo I’m lost in the baby shuffle sort of way… ok maybe a little… What I am trying to say is, taking care of an infant is a lot of work, it’s a full-time and a half job.  I’m not really sure how it is so time consuming, but it is.  There not much time left for much else in a day.

My typical day is, wake up between 5:30-7, play with Ollie, nurse him and back to sleep at 9am. Up at 10-11, play, nurse back to nap for 30 minutes plus. This cycle repeats all day until 7:30pm when he goes to sleep.  At 9:30pm I will shower and hopefully crawl into bed by 11. I’ll write or watch TV in between Ollie’s bedtime and mine.

My entire day is devoted to being a mom. No make-up, nice clothes, lunch dates, shopping trips, mani/pedis, workouts, basically nothing adult. I’m all baby! I don’t want to be all baby. However, what is the point in getting all done up, and dragging Ollie out to a lunch date that will end in cranky bub? I’ve tried taking him shopping and that just full on sucks. I’m having a hard time finding a balance between being “Me” and “Mommy.”

I did meet a girlfriend for lunch last week, without Oliver. I pulled a dress over my head, brushed my teeth and hair and walked out the door. I didn’t put on make-up, jewelry, do my hair… I just didn’t even consider it, something I would NEVER have done prebaby. Never. Ever.  My lunch date looked fabulous. She is also my girlfriend who gave birth just 7 days after I did.  She’s back to work and looking amazing. She insisted she only looked like that because she had to for work. I nearly started crying at the table.  I felt like a lazy shit, with no excuse. I should have taken the time to fix myself up.

 I need to find a good balance so I can feel like a lady, and a mommy at the same time. I don’t want to get to the point where I say screw it, and no longer desiring to be a glamorous domestic goddess. Or, on the flip side, loose it and start nursing in heels for fun? I keep telling myself, what a blessing it is that I get stay home with my baby.  I will never get these days back. Soon enough I will find a job and be back at it, in fancy shoes.  

But, just incase I find a way to work from home… So, now I ask, Stay At Home Moms: WTF? What do you do to maintain your sanity? Is it possible to be fabulous and wipe butts at the same time? ?


Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

16 comments:

Mrs. Loquacious said...

My uniform = nursing tank and yoga pants, + hoodie if I'm going out and it looks like it's cold. Ask Hubbs; there ain't no glamour here.

We just worked out an arrangement recently where Hubbs will do a guys' night one Fri night, and the next Fri night I get a girls' night. My sis and I just went for pedi's and dinner and shopping this past Fri.

Oh, and going to church or dinner with friends compels me to put on make-up and something nicer than the usual. Unfortunately, these clothes are never nursing-friendly and so I need to bottle-feed when we go out with Baby L.

But yeah, I don't understand women who are perpetually put-together. That's just... not real.

Shay Grant said...

Lol as a woman who attempted to look put-together and ended up walking around town with baby vomit streaks down the ass of her jeans, I have to say that sadly no, it just doesn't work.
Even on the days I do take the time to put on make up and nice clothes, Isaiah does his best to make sure I'm wearing some mark of motherhood, whether it's vomit, chewed up and sneezed out food, scratch marks, finger prints on my glasses... I dunno, maybe babies are like dogs and they like to mark their territory? I'm sure one day we'll all look glamorous and clean - I'm guessing the offsprings 21st birthdays are a reasonable goal...

Kitten said...

As soon as you're done nursing, it's way, way easier to wear a dress than pants and shirt if you want to look nice. I have eight summer dresses from Target for a cute quick look with nice flip flops. I have warm dresses and tights. I plan to get sweater dresses this year. I always wear my hair in a ponytail because it looks neat and nice. I keep lip gloss EVERY WHERE. This helps me to remember to put it on. Seriously, in my purse, in my bathroom, bedroom, glove compartment.

The second thing? Get out there. It's hard. It's not fun with a fussy baby. You get used to it and your baby gets better at staying awake. I'm out almost every single day with two children this summer or I'd go nuts. Try starting light -- go to Starbucks or Panera or something like that. Sit at a table and drink a coffee or tea. If your baby sits up, plop them in the high chair. You're a billion times more likely to shove on that dress, cute shoes, neat ponytail, and gloss if you're at Starbucks as opposed to your living room.

Buy clothing in your "new" size. I hate this. I started at a size 4/6 pre-Nathan and I'm 8/10 now. I'm slowly going to a solid 8. I'm fighting for it and even now I feel lousy. I don't want to buy size 8 clothing, but I do. I also try not to wear anything too loose from my maternity days. They make me look worse!

Happy said...

It's very difficult to be a mom and true lady at the same time. But I wish that you were able to combine it in yourself. I think in this case, the main thing - do not harm the baby, give him as much love and attention as before. So I wish you good luck!

Anonymous said...

Like Mrs. Loquacious, my usual "going out" outfit consists of yoga pants, a tank, and jacket. Part of the issue for me is that I STILL don't fit into my pre-baby clothes. :-( My goal was to look like myself again at the one year mark and, sadly, I just don't think that's going to happen. While I absolutely LOVE being a stay at home momma, I have recently hired a nanny for ten hours a week in order to 1). Go to class/do school work 2). Be able to run errands without a cranky fusspot 3). Try to look halfway decent again. She starts in a couple of weeks, so I'll let you know how it works out!!

foodpixie said...

My sister enrolled her (then) 8 mo. old into a Parents Day Out program. It's less expensive than a babysitter, and it gives her 5 hours twice a week to find her non-mommy self. Or at least catch up on all those things that are so much easier to do without a baby. Plus it gets her little one out there socializing with other babies.

Jessika said...

Haha- saw this post last night - well, the title anyway- and yes- there is no sanity on my end, but you already know that. I miss work. I want to work, or at least be in school. I crave independence and solitude at times in the time, and miss makeup, high heels, and feeling... like a woman? I miss wearing a real bra- not just my cami-/sports bras that are so much easier for nursing. I miss straightening my hair and not wearing it in a pony/bun all day, everyday. I miss jewelry and accessories- that I know now are just ammunition to be ripped off.

Thing is, I am fortunate enough to fit into my old clothes now- but what is the point of wearing it when I don't leave the house? And the one night we went out for date night and wore a little black dress & heels, my boobs grew so much by the end of dinner that I got some catty looks from the women at other tables (LMAO)...

I want all these things- badly- but then I think- who would be with Chase? And I know that those ideas will go back onto the backburner for yet another few months until we try again... sigh :) Sorry for the novella

First Time Mom (April) said...

Thanks Jessika. You just wrote my "observations at 6 months postoartum" for me. You said it. Everything. Perfectly. Ugh.

First Time Mom (April) said...

Sorry but I did laugh out loud, but it's not so much a laughing matter. However, thanks for helping me understand that it's just not logical to think fabulous on a daily basis is possible.

First Time Mom (April) said...

Awesome Kitten! As usual Awesome! It's just about taking the time. I Jane loads of strappy dresses, they are just too short with my big ol post baby butt. Mrs. L and I just discussed me avoiding buying "new" size cloths.... It has to be done... Damn!

First Time Mom (April) said...

Thank you Miss A. Just hearing the word Nanny makes me relax a little. When I think of a nanny I think full time, not ten hours. This is a really great idea. Thanks again. I'm going to look into this. Hope has been restored...

First Time Mom (April) said...

Thats a great idea for when Ollie is a little older. I'll have to look into that! Thanks Foodpixie!!

First Time Mom (April) said...

Thanks Happy. I suppose you are correct in that if I feel fabulous inside, who cares about outside so much.

Shay Grant said...

It's all good, I laughed when Hubby pointed out the 'racing stripes' as he called them. Although that may have been a slightly maniacal/semi hysterical laugh, it was a laugh none the less! I think Kitten has some great tips for keeping semi-sane :)
P.S. Nothing wrong with thinking fabulous on a daily basis - just last week I danced in my pjs and stiletto shoes with Isaiah, and we had a blast!

Fancy Pants said...

OMG!!! I can totally relate to this post! I used to where my heels, cute dresses, or heels, jeans, cute tops, put extensions in the hair, clubbed it every saturday night, have more makeup than any woman needs!!! AHHH the insanity! Now I wear sweats, tanks, maybe a pair of jeans to the grocery. I got dressed up ONCE to find my beautiful dress and well groomed hair covered in spit up and shit! WTF!!! Papa Bear says I don't need makeup, I'm like yeah, have you seen the CIRCLES under my eyes!?! I look like I have been beat and I often feel like it to. I get up at 5 am to get ONE hour of me time which I spend cleaning or weeding the vegetable garden. It's insane and as much as I love my girl I CRAVE just ONE DAY where I can put makeup on and get dressed without being covered in spit and go about like I'm childless again! Oh the humanity!

Fancy Pants said...

SOOOO TEMPTING!!! Maybe when Summer is older I can find this program in my area!

The Archives

Follow by Email

Looking For Something?