The Incredible Amazing Boxing Baby!


Slap, kick, pinch, punch, eye gouge, fish hook, palm to the clavicle, mighty tug on the hair, head-butt strong and swift. This is my life with baby boxer. Ten months of pregnancy, six months of nursing, and I’ve grown a brut of a baby. It is pure insanity! This baby has no time for anything but exploring this big world. Anyone who stands in his way of breaking free, is gonna be sorry.

It is actually really frustrating. My son is no longer a happy lap baby. He is a lean mean wiggle machine.  A baby with an agenda- GET TO THE JUMPAROO! Once in the jumparoo exer-saucer, he is full of smiles and things to do.  Every once in a while he stops to make sure I’m paying attention. If not, I get the fake fuss until I take notice of his busy baby boy booty. 

How is it that he’s ready to give up momma boy status?  It’s not fair. I need a sweet baby cuddle. Instead, I get the sour baby beat down! When I go to get him out of his jumparoo I get the stink eye. Once I he is out, he fusses, pushes away from me and looks down lovingly at his jumpy, just like he used to look at me. Sniff sniff…

During the day nursing is a nusance to Ollie. He eats just what he needs to not feel hungry anymore, and then starts boxing all over again.  Nothing is more frustrating than trying to nurse a half full preoccupied baby.  Once he's eaten the bare minimum, he clamps down on me and starts looking around. When I can stretch no more, he releases his death grip and starts pushing at my chest and throat. This is his signal that he is ready to get up and get back to his exploration of the world.  

I know it may be hard to believe, but it gets worse. Yes, worse! By mid day my body and feelings have been completely beaten down by baby boxer. Lo and behold,  its time for the dreaded naptime… Oh, I cannot even talk about it! Yep, you guessed it, back into the boxing ring we go. This baby is WAY to busy for naps, and he loves nothing more than trying to prove it!  I bounce, he boxes. Eventually I dodge enough blows to get him to fall asleep.  

What’s happened to my baby?  Will I ever get a cuddle again? Will he ever find mommy as fascinating as his toys again? I love my little brut of a boxing baby boy… However, I wonder if a girl might still be cooing in mommy’s lap? Not trying to trample on it!


 Oh well, at least in the wee hours of morning when I nurse him half asleep, he lets my hold tight and cuddle him as long as I want. I suppose I am just getting an early glimpse into the reality of having boys… NO, SCREW THAT! What am I saying? My baby is not even six months old. I will just have to get crafty about catching him off guard for my cuddles. 


Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

10 comments:

Mrs. Loquacious said...

I have a girl and I get slapped, pinched, poked, punched, head-butted, hair-pulled, kneed, elbowed, kicked... so gender seems to be irrelevant. ;)

Kitten said...

HA! Nathan was the cuddliest, sweetest, most darling baby. He loved for me to hold and rock him and cuddle with his little darling self. Noelle would like me to drop off the face of a cliff, preferably one where the way back up was guarded by her beloved stuffed lion toy. She claws and shakes and tugs and she does NOT want to eat. Instead it is "sip sip look around sip look at Nathan sip look toward a random sound sip." In the meantime, milk is flying out in every which way.

On the other hand, by the time Nathan hit age 2, he was scissor kicking with other boys, so boys DO play rough. I'm not going to lie.

Claire said...

Not to burst your bubble, but it's not a boy thing, it's a baby thing, as a new born your all they need, then suddenly they realise there's other things out there and they want to explore but they still come back to mommy and look for approval. Then come the realisation they can be seperated from you,seperation anxiety this is when the tears start not only from them but you to, as the second they can't see you they start screaming, it can be heart breaking and annoying all at the same time. Very satisfying if you have a overbearing family member and they try picking up baby and they start crying for you, but so annoying when you can't leave the room without the house being filled with supersonic screams.

As for the boy girl thing my experience of my friends and I are girls are more independent sooner than boys as soon as girls learn to talk attitude begins they know there mind. Not looking forward to that. But boys stay mummys boys until they realise there the same as daddy and that boys like blue and cars etc, this is what I'm going through with Sam now (4yrs old this next month) he wants to do what daddy does, be like daddy. This is most prob when you loss out properly for the first time, but my mother in law say that the age to really watch out with boys is about 6/7 :(

Shay Grant said...

Oh my life, I am SO glad you wrote this! I was beginning to think I was the only person with a ninja for a baby! Over the past few weeks Isaiah has become less and less of a cuddler, and more of a nosey bum who gets into everything. Apparently my funny faces and once hilarious noises are now no match for his rattles, blankets, feet, hands, music toys or tv (I know I know, bad parent lol). When he's feeding he clamps down on the bottle and turns to look at whatever has caught his attention... definitely a time I think 'oh my god thank goodness I don't breastfeed'. Yeouch!
Sadly, if my stepsons are anything to go by, this is just the beginning...

Jessika said...

hahaha! yep, I have a face framed by short, broken hairs, a fat lip from a head butt, bruises on my neck from being pinched, scratch marks on my chest, and a cut on my nipple from his teeth. WTF? Dynamite comes in small packages :)

First Time Mom (April) said...

Well... then... boo for you too!

First Time Mom (April) said...

oh, the "sip n' look" is probably the most frustrating thing I deal with these days! I suppose I will be thankful that I have 18 months until the scissor kick...

First Time Mom (April) said...

2 the scissor kick... 4 daddy is king... BOOOOOOOOO!

First Time Mom (April) said...

It's so sad! I make faces or try to play along, and get the, "seriously, mom, your in my way!" look. No Fair!

First Time Mom (April) said...

Ooooh that's right, you got me on the cut nipple. Geez Jess, I am so sorry for that. The photo of his bloody vampire mouth was awful!

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