I love my son more than anything. More than I ever thought possible, and still everyday my love manages to grow even more. However, I do not love some of the issues, habits, and behaviors he exhibits. For most of the annoying, upsetting, frustrating and down right shitty things I tell myself to be patient and somehow enjoy these times. But when that doesn't work, 85% of the time, I find solace in telling myself...
Eventually he will...
- Enjoy being docked in the same docking station for more than three minutes! What is that? My baby can stare at the ceiling fan for a good half hour but for some reason he needs to change his vantage point frequently. Does his butt and back get sore? I don't get it! I move him from swing, to play mat, to bumbo seat, to vibrating chair because he is fussing, yet he never takes his eyes off the TV or fan the whole time.
- Be able to answer me when I ask him, “What’s Wrong?!?!?!?” I do it, I know you do too, when the baby is screaming and crying for no apparent reason, diaper changed, belly full, fresh from a nap and the tears are rolling, the tongue is pushing out a blood curdling scream and no answer comes out of his mouth or to mind. Dammit answer me! What’s wrong? Pleeeeease stop crying! Yep, that’s another of my favorites, I beg my three-month-old baby, “Please honey stop crying and tell mommy what’s wrong.” Yeah, the day that happens I will probably start screaming and crying in excitement myself.
- Hold up his little neck so I can get the quickly growing mold and yeast colony out of his layers of baby chub. I bathe this boy every night, but still somehow he manages to get milk, goo, fuzz, my hair, the cats hair and God knows what else packed in every crack and crease of his body!
- Stop screaming out when he can't figure out how to push out a fart. Nothing pisses me off more than when I finally get the little guy to sleep and the evil bastard fart gets bad directions out of his ass, causes a traffic jam so my little man has to wake up and scream it out. Dammit that sucks!
- Not need to be fed EVERY THREE FREAKING HOURS! I am so incredibly sick and tired of the three-hour feedings. If it were not for my absolute faith in "this too shall pass" I would be in a padded room by now! I love this baby boy so very much but the constant feeling of being tethered to him is over the top! Even if I pump a bottle for dad, I have to pump out the milk within four or five hours or I have a milkfall of breast milk flowing from my chest. Awesomeness let me tell you on a hot day walking down the street. I keep waiting for the alley cats to jump out and pounce on me!
- Not wake up at 5 am ready to throw a party in his crib! This one kills me. I will feed him at four and am woken up at 5am by his cooing. I just want to cry! It's not time to wake up! What shits me the most is I walk into his room and the second he sees me he smiles, coos and flails his arms and feet. What am I supposed to do with that? He is so freaking cute all I can do is dry my tears, kiss his fat adorable face and bring him back to bed with me so he can flail in bed next to me.
- SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! I know I don’t have to go into detail here. If I do I will cry, and probably so will you since you are most likely waiting for the same damn miracle!
There are so many more things that I have to constantly remind myself will change as he gets older. I also try to constantly remind myself how much he has already grown and how quickly the time has gone by. Still in the wee hours of morning or when I have a pounding bleeding eardrum, mind f*#king myself into believing at any moment this too shall pass, is by far the best, and only way to not loose my freaking mind!
