Observations at 4 Months Postpartum!

Observations at 4 Months Postpartum!

  1. I’m still a fatty fatty boom boom! I remember standing next to a girl in Panera when I was about 8 months and Zeppelin size pregs, the girl looked about four months pregs, so naturally I broke woman code #1 and asked, “when are you due?”  She looked at me and in a VERY shitty tone said, “I delivered 6 months ago.  If you think you are going back to a flat stomach after you deliver get ready for a huge wake up call.”  For the life of me I cannot remember what was said after that.  Not only had I shoved my foot so far in my mouth I was already shitting the leather, I was just informed that I was still going to look pregnant 6 months after delivery! At 4 months postpartum, I do look 4 months pregs, God help me if I look 6 at 6!
  2. It seems like for every pound I loose another stretch mark shows up!  I didn’t get any on my stomach, because they all congregated on my thunder thighs. I asked my dermatologist for a miracle cream and she told me that only time will help stretch marks, and that’s just to fade. She said to save my money because there was no such thing as a miracle stretch mark removal cream.
  3. I’m still a bit gassy. ; )
  4. I have absolutely NO abdominal muscles.  Lifting Ollie out of the bathtub breaks my back.  I’m doing 25 crunches and sit ups a day, with a goal to get to 100 each by the end of July.  I figure lifting my chunky bub will sort about my arm muscles.
  5. I’m still exclusively breastfeeding my son, I am here to tell you breastfeeding alone will not “make the weight melt away,” like I was told. Diet and exercise are the only hope.
  6. I am so proud of myself for still breastfeeding.   
  7. My feet are shrinking!  I went up about a size and a half, from an 8 ½ to a 10!  I am down to a 9-9 ½.  I even fit back into some of my old shoes… although I have to say, thank goodness its sandal season!
  8. My priorities have completely changed, and for the better! Friday nights I no longer want to go out drinking and dancing, I want to cuddle with my baby and then my man, and bask in total peace and quiet.
  9. I’m still taking prenatal vitamins and eating a daily DHA “chew.”  Luckily they don’t make me ill like when I was pregnant.
  10. I can see all of my body again by just looking down.  I’m not going to say that is completely a good thing, but none-the-less I can see straight down to my feet without bending over.
  11. My Caesarian scar is ugly.  But, it is not that long, nor is it high enough to be seen should I ever loose my mind and put on a bikini.
  12. I can sleep on my belly again, and it is freaking amazing!!
  13. I still have a bit of acne, but since I’m nursing my hormones are still out of whack.  I actually went to the dermatologist for an annual mole check and left with an acne cream. 
  14. My hair is falling out strand by strand. I’m like Hansel and Gretel leaving a path behind me everywhere I go. What’s really scary is that my hair is long and every once in a while I find a strand wrapped around my son's neck, not good!
  15. I’m eating more now than when I was pregnant.  Thank God by some miracle, breastfeeding, I am not gaining as much.
  16. I make cookies and cupcakes my bitch on a daily basis. 
  17. I have not had caffeine or dairy, minus a slice of cheese here or there, in 3 months. My son gets gassy from dairy, and cranky from caffeine so I avoid both like the plague.  I have grown to love Almond Milk.
  18. The “pregnancy amnesia” has not set in, I remember every stinking, uncomfortable, sick, gassy, bloated, crazy bitch moment of my pregnancy.
  19. I was so terrified of becoming a mother, and now I cannot imagine my life any other way. I don’t want to!
  20.  Everyday somehow my heart grows bigger! I know this because everyday my heart feels like it is going to explode with love for my son, the next I manage to somehow love him even more.


At 4 days shy of 4 months, My baby is sleeping through the night!

At 4 days shy of 4 months, My baby is sleeping through the night!

At 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days (seriously!)  Oliver slept through the night! He slept eight solid hours. I however stared at the monitor all night, and mornng, in disbelief.  Fail.

I have been religious about Oliver’s nighttime routine for two months now. I start every night between 7:30-8:30pm. (Since he is fed on demand his feeding schedule fluctuates a little.)  I start twenty minutes before he should be due to eat with "Bath-time for Big Boys!"  Next he gets lotion with a baby massage, all to the tune of mommies terribly off key lullabies and made up songs of how much I love my big baby boy. Then I nurse him, which 99% of the time ends in him passing out.  I swaddle him tightly and put him in his crib. He normally stays asleep or sometimes stirs from gas, but rarely do I have to work at getting him back to sleep.

I have made the choice to put him to sleep at 8pm instead of 11 pm like three of my other girlfriends with babies the same age. This way I can still have a few hours of peace and quiet in the evening before bed.  Possibly if I kept him up that late I would not have to get up at 4 am for a feeding, but rather 6 or 7. I really don’t know that for sure and I have no desire to get my baby used to staying up until 11pm, so 8 it is.

Unfortunately, my dumb ass cannot get to sleep before midnight!  So I am still only getting 4 hours, if that.  Yes, I can hear you saying WTF?  And really I don’t know WTF! I’m working on it. I just think I enjoy the quiet time at night so much I can’t get to sleep, plus I am a night owl.

After Oliver’s 4 am feeding he falls right back to sleep and then, unfortunately, is up between 6 and 7 with a gassy ass. It never fails! Once he passes the gas he wants about an hour of playtime, before he is ready to go back to sleep for up to 3 additional hours!  Why can I not just get him to skip the hour playtime and sleep through to 9am?

Anyways, MY BABY IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!  Yes, I am doing a little dance in my chair.  I have been waiting a very long time to write this post.

One thing I know for sure after being a mom for 4 months, is that I should not get used to any of this.  His sleep will change now that he’s pulling 8 hours.  I hope it’s going to get closer to the 12 hours older babies sleep straight, but regardless I know my baby can sleep 8 hours now and that is HUGE!

I plan to try to sooth him back to sleep at 6 am and limit stimulation.  If that doesn’t work I may just let him lay there.  I really do not know.  I keep reminding myself he is just shy of 4 months, so having any plans or expectations at all is foolish. For now I am just going to bask in the glory of his 8 hours of sleep, and hopefully, soon mine too!


Top five tips on Co-Parenting for New Parents

Top five tips on Co-Parenting for New Parents

It is no secret my husband and I have struggled the last four months with being new parents.  A friend told me "not even infidelity tests a marriage like being new parents." I believe that is so true, because I went from having a beautiful marriage, to one that was riddled with bickering, tears, and at times full on yelling.  Luckily, four months into being new parents I can honestly say we are back on the mend.

The following are my top five tips for new parents trying to find a happy balance of co-parenting.

  1. Communicate-

When I say communicate, screaming and yelling are not going to cut it, trust me!  No matter how mad or upset you are, you have got to keep your cool to talk through the issue, otherwise the issue will never get resolved.

I told my super wonderful sister in-law, who is a nurse in Australia, that I felt like an awful mother for screaming over Oliver.  She told me not only had she done a bit of screaming herself, every mother does at one point or another in the early days.  She promised her kids were fine, and Ollie would be too.  The hubs and I just needed to learn to use our library voices to discuss our issues and differences.

Communication is key in the early days to understanding each other’s ideas and methods for parenting, and calmly talking through the differences.

  1. Be Respectful-

I’m not sure why this one was so difficult for me since before baby I had so much respect and admiration for my very strong and talented husband. For some reason my inner know-it-all princess bitch took over my ability to listen and respectful of my husbands way of handling, changing, feeding, swaddling, bathing, oh hell name it, I stood over him and threw up my two cents every time I thought necessary.  I was a maniac.

My husband is a full hands on dad.  He wants to do everything he possibly can and lives to show me how well he can do it.  I just never gave him the time and respect in the early days to show me.  Had I given him space to do his thing, it would have saved tons of arguments and I would have realized he’s a great father straight away.  To this day only he can get Ollie to nap in his crib during the day, I have created the co-napping monster.

Being respectful of each other from the beginning will be so beneficial to your relationship, co-parenting rhythm and baby.  

3. Trust-

Oh my was this one another major hurdle for my control freak ass!  My husband, again very wise, strong and capable, but for some reason when it came to our son I was afraid to leave him alone for too long or trust him to follow the routine at night.  This was so damning to our relationship I cannot begin to tell you.  I hurt my husband’s feelings so many times by not showing him that I trusted him to do what was best.  Every time I would leave the house or let him do the something, I would give him a huge speech about how and when it should be done.  Ugh, writing that just made me throw up in my mouth a little with disgust.  My goodness, this baby is his too, how dare I dictate every single thing? 

Trusting your partner will not only create a great parenting foundation, It will also decrease your new parent anxiety by 98%, because now you have a partner you can trust to help and support you.

  1. Take turns-

This is by far my favorite tip. However, if you do not have tips 1-3 down, this is not going to work so well.  Taking turns is such a wonderful way for both parents to test out their own parenting methods, ideally without the other parent standing over them the whole time. 

My husband and I now take turns with diapers, play time, bath time and my all time favorite, getting up in the morning.  A friend of mine taught me to take turns getting up with the baby, especially on the weekends. This way both parents get to sleep in one day. 

Taking turns really helps to engage both parents and keep one parent from harboring animosity for being the constant caregiver.  My girlfriend told me that she snapped at her husband when she was tired and needed help.  He told her that she needed to ask him for help well before she got that annoyed.  I think we all get to this point eventually.  Taking turns will really help to alleviate that “main caregiver” animosity.

  1. Be patient

You both are new parents.  Raising a child is so far from easy, it’s scary! Neither one of you knows everything, nor the best way to do everything.  It is essential that a great team be patient with each other, and of course the ever changing needs of the baby.


The mother of a hero

The mother of a hero

Today is Memorial Day in the States. Memorial Day is the annual day for remembrance of the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Now that I am a mother this day weighs very heavily on my heart. Today I am for the first time not thinking of the men and women who gave their lives for my beautiful country, I am thinking the sons and daughters and praying for their mother's to find peace.  

I look down at my beautiful son with tears in my eyes and think, “will you too be one of the heroes this day is celebrated for?” The idea absolutely tears me apart.  I’ll be honest I don’t particularly want to be the mother of a fallen hero.  I’d be just peachy being the mother of a banker, teacher, scientist, writer, anything but a profession where he puts his life on the line every day.  

At just shy of four months old, my son has already made me proud on numerous occasions. Every time he meets a milestone, or just does something great like reaching out and grabbing something and then shoving it in his mouth my heart just fills full of pride!  I’m happy with that kind of pride.  However, nothing makes me happier than seeing my son happy and full of smiles, so if being a hero is what he wants to be, then so be it.

Now I will leave you with an email that was sent to me telling the story on one amazing hero…. A hero that I would be very proud to call my son…

“You're a 19 year old kid. 
You're critically wounded and dying in the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam. 

It's November 11, 1967.   
LZ (landing zone) X-ray. 

Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense from 100 yards away, that your CO (commanding officer) has ordered the helicopters to stop coming in. 

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're not getting out. 

Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again. 

As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day. 
Then - over the machine gun noise - you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter. 
You look up to see a Huey coming in, but it doesn't seem real because no MedEvac markings are on it. 

Captain Ed Freeman is coming in for you. 

He's not MedEvac so it's not his job, but he heard the radio call and decided he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway. 

Even after the MedEvacs were ordered not to come. He's coming any way. 
He drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 3 of you at a time on board. 

Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses and safety. 

And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!! Until all the wounded were out. No one knew until the mission was over that the Captain had been hit 4 times in the legs and left arm. 
He saved 29 lives that day. 

This is the true story of Medal of Honor Recipient and Hero Captain Ed Freeman, United States Air Force.”

Sources http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day


My baby's dirty stinky neck

My baby's dirty stinky neck
I'm so over my son's neck, or lack there of.  Well, at nearly 4 months he has a little neck growing between his chest and head, but not much.  The problem is that I cannot get to it to clean out the deep creases!  It drives me crazy how he smashes it down on his little body at bath time making it near impossible to clean it out. Every time I manage to see in between the creases there is load of white formula and fuzzy gunk hiding in there.  It is SO GROSS!! I am just afraid if I pry his neck off of his chest I will hurt him.  

Every day I can see his neck growing a little more.  The back of his neck is easy to clean, it's the part right in front that is impossible.  The poor little guy has like 5 fat rolls in between his head and chest.  I can usually get to two, but two other ones are clamped down so tight in there I have to get the hubs to help me.

What really makes me feel bad is when I give him kisses and can smell the gunk in the cracks.  How can I call myself a neat freak when my son is growing a science experiment in his neck?I have learned that at feeding time I have a good shot at getting in the cracks of his neck.  The trick is remembering to have something handy to clean it out with, which I rarely do.  

I just cannot wait until he grows his neck out. Anyone got any good tips or tricks for getting in the cracks???


I’m so tired

I’m so tired

Today I am so incredibly tired.  I had a terrible night sleep, a job interview in the morning and a busy afternoon.  I’m just exhausted and achy and not in the mood for anything.  While emailing with a good girlfriend, I just started making a list of all the things I am tired of.  By the time I was finished I actually felt SO much better!  So, here is my list and some of my favorites from hers.  I really encourage you to make your list. It’s like blowing off steam.  I would love for you to post your list in the comments section too!

Here goes…

I am tired of…

Figuring out what to eat for dinner
Making breakfast
The dirty carpet
Getting my hand in Oliver’s poo poo diapers
The constant fear of SIDS
My loud white trash neighbors
My husband's annoying traits
Not sleeping more than 3 hours
Worrying about the bills
Being a fat post partum blob
Having nothing to wear
Postpartum acne
Not having a girls night out of wild and wickedness
Not being able to drink too much and hating myself in the morning
My feet and back being sore ALL OF THE TIME!
Cleaning the house and most of all bathroom
Not having a career I love
Constantly working at having a good attitude
Complaining when I know it could be so much worse but not really living my life that way…
Forgetting how temporary everything really is.

My girlfriend’s list…

300 cable channels and NOTHING to watch on TV
Asking my husband to start the dishwasher in the morning
Seeing clumps of cat hair and cat puke throughout my house
Being a wife
Buying lottery tickets and never winning
Not being able to get a massage every month
Never having any money
Worrying about everything!
The price of gas
My husband leaving work late everyday

Seriously, having a bad day?  Give making a list a shot and see how you feel.  

The real test I suppose is then figuring out how to eliminate the list all together…


Baby's first Cold

Baby's first Cold

BOOOO!  Boo to a cold, but double boo when mommy and baby are sick. Especially when it’s a nursing mommy who doesn’t feel like getting out of bed.  Since I live in the allergy capitol of the States, “The Ohio Valley,” I thought we were both just suffering from allergies. So I shut the windows turned on the air condition and air purifiers and waited to feel better.  Neither one of us stopped having the stuffy noses, I also had a sore throat, aches and pains. I couldn’t tell if Ollie did too, but I knew he felt yucky.  Two days passed and it was clear we were sick.

I didn’t call the doctor at first because I knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything since Oliver is only 3 ½ months old, not old enough for medication.  I just tried to keep him warm and twice a day, morning and night, spray saline in his nose and use my battery operated super nose sucker to clear him out.  After two days of both of us still feeling lousy I broke down and called the doctor.

As expected I was told not to bother coming in unless he had a fever or cough.  There was nothing the doctor could do for him.  However, I was told that there were a few things I could do.  

  1. Prop his mattress up using a pillow or blanket underneath.  This was to help his breathing.
  2. Turn on a humidifier to keep the air moist.
  3. After bath spray his nose full of saline and suck out the gunk.  I did all of these things and by morning Ollie was feeling MUCH better.  I was still stuffy but he didn’t sound as bad.  The most amazing thing was that he slept from 8pm-4am and then from 4:30 to 7!  That is the best he has ever done.  I really think propping his mattress up helped him breath and pass gas much easier so he was able to rest better.

We are both completely free of cold symptoms now.  However, I am keeping his mattress propped up until I think he doesn't need it anymore, but with it helping him sleep better I cannot imagine taking the pillow out anytime soon! 


Moms and Dads a.k.a Venus and Mars

Moms and Dads a.k.a Venus and Mars

It is so far beyond my realm of understanding how moms and dads have different job titles, yet are supposed to be performing the same job, Parenting.  To make matters worse somehow each parent was trained on different planets, with vastly different ideas of how the job should be done. 

For Example.  

  1. It’s 7 a.m. and the baby is awake and cooing.  This must mean…

Mom:  The baby is ready to wake up for the day and is in a great mood!

Dad:  The baby has no desire to wake up, needs his pacifier/dummy and his mobile turned on. 

 (while dad crawls back in bed for some more sleep.) Dad: "No, that cooing has not turned into I’m bored as hell yelling, that yelling is just “excitements at the spinning mobile characters.”  Mom: "Get your butt up and play with the baby so I can have another hour of sleep! I'm the one who has been up twice already this morning feeding him.")

  1. Midday the baby is rubbing his bright red tired eyes while yawning.  This must mean…

Mom: The baby is ready for a nap!

Dad: The baby is ready for “superfun time”   (Mom: "  That baby has had enough of you dancing to 80’s music while he flails his arms.  He does not need anymore fun time right now!" Dad:  "Are you sure, look at him he is wide awake?"  Mom: "Becuse you won't stop talking to him!")

  1. The baby wakes up from his nap with a MASSIVE package between his legs.

Mom: Someone needs his diaper changed!
Dad: Someone needs to change the baby’s diaper! ( Mom: "  You got him up, you need to change his diaper!")

  1. We are running low on diapers and wipes. This must mean...

Mom: It’s time to go to the store and buy some.
Dad:  We are out of Pepsi Max.  (Mom: "WHAT?")

  1. The baby’s white blanket is pink? This must mean…

Mom: Dad did the laundry!
Dad: "I sure did! He doesn’t care that it’s pink! How am I supposed to know your red towel would do that?" 
  1. It’s close to bedtime the baby needs a bath.
Mom: "I’ll go get the bath ready."
Dad: "why does he need a bath?  He didn’t do anything today to get dirty? " Mom: "Really?"

  1. Ahhh finally the baby is bathed and nearly asleep.  This must mean…

Mom: My day almost is finished. I finally get to have a nice long relaxing shower!

Dad:  Hmmm... Maybe I should go into the nursery and ask my wife a stupid unnecessary question in a loud voice. And if the baby is still awake we can have a little more super fun time!

The above are just a FEW examples of the MANY differences between Venus and Mars…er… Moms and Dads.  

I insist if dads (my husband) were always in charge the baby would be running aroundwith bright red tired eyes, a diaper so full it’s dragging the floor, with every crack on the baby full of milk and fuzz, until eventually the bub just fell down and slept…. Next to dad who already fell over…

While dads are great... THANK GOD FOR MOMS!  


Baby Giggles!

Baby Giggles!

At 3 ½ months and 3 days my little baby Oliver giggled!  Then I squealed with delight and cried!  2 points Ollie, no points mom.  

A few days ago Oliver tried to giggle but made some crazy grunting noise and then fussed.  I knew he was trying to giggle, but unfortunately he didn’t understand what was going on so he got frustrated, grunted then whined.  Still, even that was cute.  This also let me know the giggles were coming!  So I spent everyday since doing everything I could to get this boy to giggle.  I laughed at him, tickled him, made funny faces, begged him, you name it daddy and I tried it. 

Yesterday while we were sitting on the couch, I laid him on my chest to nap (my absolute favorite!) but he was not interested.  I lifted him up and sat him on my knees.  He looked in my eyes and smiled.  I said, “Oh I love you so much!”  He smiled even bigger which made me laugh, because he was so freaking cute!  Then he smiled bigger and kicked out a little.  This made me laugh,  then out of nowhere, he did too!  Two little giggle-grunts.  OH MY GOD IT WAS AMAZING!!

I called for dad to come watch.  The three of us looked like a pack of goofs sitting on the couch laughing at each other.  It was that infectious laughing where we all just laughed at each other laughing.  I cried proud mommy tears. I think dad dropped a tear too.  By the time we had gotten all of the giggles out of Ollie, my cheeks physically hurt from smiling and laughing!

Oliver’s giggles are the answer to world peace. Now all I want to do is make him giggle,  it’s beyond awesome!  The only problem is that since he is still unsure of what he is doing, getting him to giggle it is not that easy… yet!  Still, I have a blast trying and regardless he smiles big through it all.

Oh, my goodness y’all, a baby laughing is really the sweetest most beautiful thing.  And when it’s your own… the world stands still…


Today is the Tomorrow I worried about Yesterday

Today is the Tomorrow I worried about Yesterday

While having dinner with my sister in-law, also a new mother, we couldn’t stop talking about how fast the time has gone since our deliveries, and how much our sons have grown and developed.  This conversation about time flying, made us over analyze why exactly time passes so fast when sometimes, during pregnancy for example, time seems to stand still?

We decided that we spend so much time wrapped in worry, thoughts of tomorrow and looking to the next big thing coming into our lives,that we waste half the day in this cycle. And then, I hate to admit it, my mother–in-law’s voice came into my head.  A while ago when I was stressing out about my husbands Visa she said to me,  “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” Meaning I need to live for today and let tomorrow work itself out, since I have no control over it.

Right now in my life, I am worried about getting a job, keeping my family insured, wondering when my son will finally roll over, feeding him solid foods and a million other things. All of these things are going to take time to happen, so no amount of worry or work will resolve my issues instantly.  I need to just live for today and let tomorrow work itself out. 

SO MUCH EASIER SAID THEN DONE!!!  Well, in the few hours since our talk, I can tell you that it is worth the hard work and mind refocusing.  Every time I start to worry or think about tomorrow, I take a deep breath, open my eyes wide and take in my environment. I look around and focus on what is directly in front of me. When I do this, the amount of stress, anxiety and the actual feeling of weight being lifted off of my shoulders is AMAZING!

I challenge you, and I say challenge because it is not easy, to do the same.  When you start to worry or have anxiety over something you cannot control or instantly fix, take a deep breath, open your eyes wide and drink in your surroundings until you have let go of whatever it is that is bothering you.  Even if you look around and see a dirty house and start obsessing over that, at least you can do something about it now. At least you will be productive cleaning, rather than staring into space about something you cannot fix now or maybe even ever.

I really have it in my head that if I actively refocus my negative energy into the present moment, I will no longer let time fly pass me. Fully living in each moment I will no longer have as much fear and anxiety about the future. If nothing else, living in the moment will give me way more quality time with my beautiful son.


Engage your brain!

Engage your brain!
(After yesterday's blog I thought we all could use a laugh.  Again, I wish I could take credit but I cannot...)

These are six examples of why you must make sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth into gear...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back.My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?'
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!


Postpartum Depression- Update 3 ½ months postpartum

Postpartum Depression- Update 3 ½ months postpartum

For all of you who read my www.tiredofbeingpregnant.com blog, you know I was very worried about having postpartum depression.  I have spent nearly every single day since delivery wondering if my tears, sad feelings, confusion, fear, frustration, anger and every other non-positive feeling have been postpartum depression or just normal “new mother” feelings and behavior.

During the early days after delivery I was for the most part happy. I was exhausted, but so in awe of my incredibly perfect and beautiful son that sadness was not a feeling I could imagine feeling.

It was not until around week three of four that the weepiness started.  I was crying over the stupidest shit!  If my food didn’t taste right I would cry.  If I looked in the mirror I would cry.  I was a weepy mess.  The odd part was that I was not really weeping because I was sad, I was just weeping! Luckily the weepiness ended abruptly in a week or two and still has not returned.

By six to eight weeks postpartum I was doing really well! I was not sad, or overly happy, I was in touch with my emotions and felt really confident that I did not have postpartum depression.  Smooth sailing into my second month, turning into a great mommy, breastfeeding almost like a champ and even working out a sleep pattern that worked for baby, daddy and me.  Don’t get me wrong, I had BAD days filled with tears and confusion, but those days also usually coincided with a night or two of little or no sleep. I would just chalk the bad day up to bad sleep.  My girlfriends and I decided that if bad days were directly related to bad sleep, then surely I was not postpartum depression.

When I went back to work at ten weeks postpartum the bottom started to fall out. I was so overwhelmed by going back to work, separation anxiety and trying to keep my son exclusively breastfed. I was not getting enough sleep thanks to nursing and the overwhelming anxiety that my mood was shit more often than not.  I started to wonder if I was in over my head with everything now that I was back to work, and wondered if I should try to change Oliver over to formula at night so I could get some sleep to improve my poor mood and anxiety. 

I couldn’t bring myself to introduce formula, so I decided to reach into my bag of emotional tools and work on coping with the anxiety and work on trying to stay positive.  This worked, but dammit it made managing my mood a full time job.

Now here I am 3 ½ months postpartum, jobless and overloaded with fear and anxiety.  This in itself pisses me off to no end and makes me want to cry! I have been given a huge gift of being paid to find a new better job, thanks to unemployment benefits, and be home with my son.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I should be happy as a pig in shit!

Really since month two I thought I might have some shades of postpartum depression. Or, hopefully, I am just overwhelmed by everything going on right now with being a new (unemployed) mother.  Regardless it’s time for me to seek some help so I can be a good happy mommy. I have been reluctant to seek help out of fear of being prescribed anti depressants since I am nursing.  However, I have come to realize I need some outside unbiased council to help me sort through the anxiety and fear to find out if I actually have postpartum depression. Medication does not have to be the answer.  One thing I have always been told is NEVER EVER try to control postpartum depression alone.

 I love my son more than I ever imagined possible.  The last thing I want to do is not be the best mom possible to him. We both deserve to have me 100% emotionally present when we are together. It’s time to take some time for me and work on the emotional issues dragging me own.  Thanks to all of the brave women before me, I am not afraid to find out I have postpartum depression, because I know it's temporary and easily treated.  I am just focused on having a better mood, lowering my anxiety level, and most of all thoroughly enjoying the time I have been given to spend with my son while I find a new job. 


What’s my baby going to be when he grows up?

What’s my baby going to be when he grows up?

I sit and ponder the most amazing things now that I’m a mom.  What color will my son’s eyes end up being? What color hair? How tall? When will he be able to pass a fart without screaming murder? Will he hate me through his entire teen years? Will I kill his father for not taking anything seriously before his teen years? And of course, what will my son be when he grows up? What will he be like? 

I am the most impatient person. I am that person who cannot buy gifts and hold on to them.  I can bearly get the damn thing wrapped before giving it away. I love surprises but it causes me internal pain to contain them, I think I will explode if I hold them in too long.  There are so many things I cannot wait to find out about my son, even though I know I should just embrace now and not worry about tomorrow. Well, screw that, I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHNG RIGHT NOW!!

What my son will be like when he grows up, and his profession or calling I sit and ponder the most.  I wonder what he will be and will I have any influence over it? Will he dedicate his life to talking about poop like his father?  I wonder if he will be president, or like his name, Oliver, suggests a “peace maker.”  Will he make a difference in this world, or have children that do? Will he make me proud?

I just stare at his little face and wonder so much! It’s profound for me to think that I have made a human being that will possibly one day change history for good or bad.  I have made a little baby that one day will make a baby.  It’s really just so amazing to me the cycle of life and the insane amount of possibilities that come along with it.

I just pray that my son spends his days happy and healthy.  I pray that he is kind, loving and giving.  I pray that he is a good friend, humble and understanding.  I pray that he is a wonderful person that people love to be around.  I pray that I have the strength, patients and ability to instill all of those traits and values in him.  


Breastfeeding is not Plug-n-Chug!

Breastfeeding is not Plug-n-Chug!

(With all of the talk about breastfeeding I thought I might throw in my two cents.)

Breastfeeding can be a complete and utter bitch! At first. By no means is the process conducive to baby + boob= plug-n-chug. There are so many speed bumps on the road to enjoying breast-feeding that it can seem near impossible. In fact at three 1/2 months into breastfeeding, I cannot really say I thoroughly enjoy it. I'm just happy I can do it now without it totally sucking. (Pun intended!)

Thankfully my son latched right on about 20 minutes after birth. Unfortunately his latch and my technique were not so great at first.  By day three my nipples looked and felt like they had been through a meat grinder. Thanks to “cooling gel pads” I was able to power through those first days, no actually weeks, of beat up boobies.  Seriously, if you don’t own gel pads and you are in pain GO BUY THEM! Lansinoh and Medela make them. I personally prefer the Medela ones, but both will return your nipples and areola to working condition in 24 Hours!

For me the first 8 weeks were just awful!  Breastfeeding became nature’s cruel joke on me. It was nothing but painful, frustrating and the constant work at keeping my supply up was beyond overwhelming. Without my husbands coaching and cheerleading I would have probably given up.

Having a low milk supply, especially for a mother intent on not supplementing with formula, is terrifying.  I rented a hospital grade breast pump, The Medela Symphony for $78 a month, to help keep my supply up. For the first 8-10 weeks I was constantly having to feed and then pump for ten minutes afterwards to help increase my supply, or if nothing else just maintain it. Now I don’t go more than 5 hours without nursing or pumping to keep my supply optimal. Yes, even at night and the wee hours of morning.

Because of all the hard work I take so much pride in saying my son has been exclusively breastfeed.  Now that both my son and I have got the hang of it, the process is finally Plug-n-Chug. What’s more, we have gone from 45 minute to an hour of feeding to now only 20-30 minutes at a time.  I try to enjoy the time down time while nursing, meditate and relax. It’s not like I can get up and do anything until he is finished, so no reason to worry about what else I could be doing.

Make no mistake about it, breastfeeding is a full time job at first. Still, decades of studies prove that the benefits COMPLETELY outweigh the trouble, pain and difficulty. If you want to breastfeed then set your mind to it. Rent a hospital pump and work at it, be patient it takes on average 3-4 weeks to get the hang of it, and then another 2-3 months to achieve the plug-n-chug status.  I am so incredibly proud of myself for sticking with it, powering through the pain, tears and sleepless nights. I have created a great foundation of health and wellness for my son that will last his lifetime. If you can do it, do it! Your child deserves the best chance at life possible.



Unemployed with a new baby

Unemployed with a new baby

Yesterday was my 34th birthday!  I was also informed by my boss that my magazine was no longer going to be published.  Our last issue will be printed and distributed on Friday May 11, 2012. So Yeah, I got laid off on my friggin birthday!  I did kind of see it coming, but certainly not ending so abruptly. Shit!  Please don’t feel sorry for me, I hated that fuckin’ job!

The only thing that has me worried is making sure I can provide well for my son and keep him, myself and husband insured while we weather the storm. My husband has just received his Green Card and is looking for a job, and now I am going to be joining him in the search. This should be interesting in the current crappy job market.

Last night instead of crying I sat down and took a long hard look at our budget, and what being out of work was really going to mean for my family. I would advise using some sort of budget planner to tackle this. As long as we cut some corners, 3 meals out a week, frivolous shopping and cut out our family holiday this summer we will be just fine.  Again, I hated that fuckin’ job, so I really see this as a blessing in disguise.  I also believe everything happens for a reason, so really, the sky is the limit!

Since we are in the market for a house we do have a bit of money put away, but none that I really want to use.  I am of course going to file for Unemployment benefits and see how horrible COBRA insurance will be.  I have met all of my health insurance deductibles for the year.  I should be enjoying the rest of this year free of the fear of any more doctor bills, so getting new healthcare will suck. 

At this point, Oliver only cost me diapers, wipes, and onesies. Since I breastfeed there is no formula cost (THANK GOD!) I am going to just have to watch every penny, and truly live on a safe comfortable budget while my husband and I are unemployed.  

I would be lying if I said I was not scared, but I am more hopeful than anything at the moment.  I am really only sharing this information because I expect my husband and I both being unemployed is really going to affect our lives and will come out in this blog.  Plus, I expect the job search and juggling a baby will make for a few interesting stories and hopefully more laughs than tears!

If you know any good publishers, editors or freelance writing jobs PLEASE EMAIL ME!!! firsttimemomanddad@gmail.com Shameless I know, but I have a new baby, I’ll be putting my feelers out EVERYWHERE!  ;)


Sleeping for Two

Sleeping for Two
( A Guest Blogger, Katie Moore, is writing the post today. Enjoy!)

Probably the most sought-after commodity in a family that includes a newborn is sleep. With feedings and diaper changes being round-the-clock phenomena, babies do not necessarily adhere to the sleep schedules their parents had previously gotten used to. There are some things that new parents can do, however, to make the transition easier for everyone.

Prior to baby’s arrival, becoming educated on what is worrying an expectant mother the most is the best way to help her feel more confident and rest easier at night. It is helpful to obtain and read materials that explain whatever issues may be a concern, such as milestones to expect during and after pregnancy, infant car seat choices, cord blood banking and its applications in various medical treatments, even looking ahead to preschool options; regardless of the issue, being informed is the best defense against worry induced sleeplessness.

Once baby has arrived, if at all possible, Mommy can try to sleep when baby is sleeping. Newborns will generally sleep up to 18 hours in a 24-hour period. This just comes in snatches of anywhere from 20 minutes to 4 hours at a time. Moms who are able to settle in and catch a few winks while the baby is napping will have an easier time getting by with a little less sleep at night.

Another helpful tip is to keep the light low when up for midnight feedings and or diaper changes. Bright lights signal the brain that it is time to wake up. In order to keep this to a minimum, using low lights in areas where light is necessary to see, and keeping main lights turned off during night time tasks, can help when mommy and baby are ready to get back to sleep.

Developing bedtime routines will also help to get mom and baby into a positive rhythm with regard to sleep schedules. Moms may find it helpful to give baby a sponge-bath and smooth on a little baby lotion, dim the lights and have some quiet time, and just generally set a soothing stage for bedtime. The best time to start such a routine can be determined by the baby’s eating schedule. Since babies are often lulled by the sucking motion, the bedtime nursing or bottle can be the perfect sendoff to sleep. If baby is bottle-fed, anticipating the feeding time and having the bottle all warmed and ready to go can also help to avoid baby getting upset and worked up after just getting calmed down. It’s also a good idea to have the diaper changing essentials close by and in a dimly lit area, just in case one more diaper change is necessary.

Though sleep patterns may change quite a bit with a newborn in the house, being well-rested does not have to be just a fond memory. As with other challenges that come with parenthood, getting enough rest is an important component of life that is attainable with some planning and adjustment.

"This article was written by Katie Moore. Katie is an active writer within the blogging community who discusses maternity, motherhood, prenatal health, childbirth and other topics within this niche. If you have any questions or would like to connect with Katie please contact by visiting her blog, Moore From Katie or her twitter @moorekm26."


This too Shall Pass

This too Shall Pass

I love my son more than anything.  More than I ever thought possible, and still everyday my love manages to grow even more.  However, I do not love some of the issues, habits, and behaviors he exhibits. For most of the annoying, upsetting, frustrating and down right shitty things I tell myself to be patient and somehow enjoy these times. But when that doesn't work, 85% of the time, I find solace in telling myself...

Eventually he will...

  1. Enjoy being docked in the same docking station for more than three minutes!  What is that?  My baby can stare at the ceiling fan for a good half hour but for some reason he needs to change his vantage point frequently.  Does his butt and back get sore? I don't get it!  I move him from swing, to play mat, to bumbo seat, to vibrating chair because he is fussing, yet he never takes his eyes off the TV or fan the whole time. 

  1. Be able to answer me when I ask him, “What’s Wrong?!?!?!?”  I do it, I know you do too, when the baby is screaming and crying for no apparent reason, diaper changed, belly full, fresh from a nap and the tears are rolling, the tongue is pushing out a blood curdling scream and no answer comes out of his mouth or to mind.  Dammit answer me!  What’s wrong?  Pleeeeease stop crying!  Yep, that’s another of my favorites, I beg my three-month-old baby,  “Please honey stop crying and tell mommy what’s wrong.”  Yeah, the day that happens I will probably start screaming and crying in excitement myself. 

  1. Hold up his little neck so I can get the quickly growing mold and yeast colony out of his layers of baby chub.  I bathe this boy every night, but still somehow he manages to get milk, goo, fuzz, my hair, the cats hair and God knows what else packed in every crack and crease of his body!

  1. Stop screaming out when he can't figure out how to push out a fart. Nothing pisses me off more than when I finally get the little guy to sleep and the evil bastard fart gets bad directions out of his ass, causes a traffic jam so my little man has to wake up and scream it out.  Dammit that sucks!

  1. Not need to be fed EVERY THREE FREAKING HOURS! I am so incredibly sick and tired of the three-hour feedings.  If it were not for my absolute faith in "this too shall pass" I would be in a padded room by now!  I love this baby boy so very much but the constant feeling of being tethered to him is over the top! Even if I pump a bottle for dad, I have to pump out the milk within four or five hours or I have a milkfall of breast milk flowing from my chest.  Awesomeness let me tell you on a hot day walking down the street.  I keep waiting for the alley cats to jump out and pounce on me!

  1. Not wake up at 5 am ready to throw a party in his crib!  This one kills me. I will feed him at four and am woken up at 5am by his cooing.  I just want to cry!  It's not time to wake up!  What shits me the most is I walk into his room and the second he sees me he smiles, coos and flails his arms and feet.  What am I supposed to do with that?  He is so freaking cute all I can do is dry my tears, kiss his fat adorable face and bring him back to bed with me so he can flail in bed next to me.  

  1. SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!  I know I don’t have to go into detail here.  If I do I will cry, and probably so will you since you are most likely waiting for the same damn miracle!  

There are so many more things that I have to constantly remind myself will change as he gets older. I also try to constantly remind myself how much he has already grown and how quickly the time has gone by.  Still in the wee hours of morning or when I have a pounding bleeding eardrum, mind f*#king myself into believing at any moment this too shall pass, is by far the best, and only way to not loose my freaking mind!


Rice Cereal Follow-up

Rice Cereal Follow-up

What a crock of shit that rice cereal is!  It did not make any difference at all.  If anything it made my poor guy even hungrier! 

The first day I gave him one tablespoon in his 5-½-ounce bottle mid day. It did appear to keep him full for about six hours, which was amazing! I had really high hopes!

The following night I decided to give him another tablespoon in his late night bottle, again 5 ½ ounces of breast milk.   I settled in to bed thinking, sweet ass I’m going to get some sleep tonight!  WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Every three hours he was up like clock work.  I couldn’t believe it!  He usually would sleep 4-5 hours during that stretch on breast milk alone, WTF?

The next morning I called my sister, pissed that not only had the rice cereal failed to give me and Oliver a good night sleep, it seemed like it didn’t really fill him up either?  She said to give him more because there is no real exact amount for all babies.  I wasn’t so sure about this so I called another friend and then consulted Dr. Google.  I heard and read that it may take some time so I gave him another bottle with a tablespoon the following night.  Still up every three hours!

I talked to another friend who said that rice cereal didn’t do anything for he son either and at six months was still not “sleeping through the night.”  Devastated was me. I NEED SOME FREAKING SLEEP!

I called another girlfriend whose daughter is a week behind Oliver, and asked her how Chloe was doing.  She said, “Fine, she is sleeping through the night.”  At that point I asked the million-dollar question, “When you say ‘sleeping through the night,’ what does that mean exactly.”  She told me she puts her to sleep at 11pm at night and she wakes up between 6-8am. Ah HA!  I know what’s going on kind of… Oliver goes to sleep between 7 and 8pm and wakes up for his first feeding between 1-2am.  This is basically the same amount of sleep Chloe gets, “sleeping through the night.” Oliver just sleeps through the evening so to speak. 

It comes down to, for a 3 month old baby, is the routine set for going to sleep early or late.  Do I want a little down time and peace and quiet at night, or do I want a longer stretch of sleep?  I’ll take the down time since I am breastfeeding and have to pump every few hours anyway. 

The bottom line: Rice cereal did NOT help Oliver to sleep better at all. Nor did it seem to make a huge difference in his being full for a longer period of time.  We go see the doctor in 3 weeks for a check-up at which time I plan to further discuss solid food and more rice cereal.  My son is growing well, is super cuddly and very happy, for now that is good enough for me.  Eventually I will get 6 hours of sleep, but it certainly is not going to happen feeding him rice cereal.


Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!
(I wish I could take credit for this, but a good mommy friend emailed it to me on Friday.  I thought what better way to start the week than with a laugh!  Happy Monday Everyone!  Oh and I will post the rice cereal follow up tomorrow.  I need another day of experimenting and a chat with the doctor.)
Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home .
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breast feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

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